It’s the Eurovision Song Contest this Saturday, but I guess you already knew that, didn’t you? Because your partner has been gearing up for this event for weeks. As soon as Great Britain’s representative was announced- they were giddy with anticipation because it’s an excuse to bring out the Blue WKD, white chocolate buttons and Red Haribo Heart Throbs. For anyone who is dating, engaged or married to a Eurovision superfan, you may find the following painfully familiar…
They have listened to all of the entries: From France to Azerbaijan, they’ve listened to them all and have already formed opinions on each and every one- mainly that they are all rubbish and ours is the best thing since sliced bread. Go Sam Ryder! You may even find these on their nightstand...
They think Graham Norton is the BEST: They already watch him every Friday night when his show is in season and to have him as the host is one of the main reasons they tune in. He’s guaranteed to be a bit cheeky and you have to admit it’s one of the main pulls for you too.
EVERYTHING has a Union Jack on it: They are a marketer’s dream- whatever they can get their hands on with a flag design goes right into their basket (either online or at the shops) because there are no other colours on this day. The bunting goes up, the balloons are scattered around your home like a ball pit and the special edition food that cost you twice the price of the regular variety is bursting out of the cupboards, so it must be time for…
There is a party: It’s an excuse to invite everyone and their cat around to your house and they don’t do it by halves. Everyone must attend in Union Jack emblazoned clothing, eat nothing but red, white and blue food and must be prepared to criticize every other country’s entry. Why? Because tonight is all about patriotism (even though the rest of the year they do nothing but call out their country and the people who run it for allsorts).
Everyone has to be quiet: During each song- despite having heard them all before and already resigned to the fact that they are utter tosh, everyone has to hush up and listen before being allowed to express their (totally unbiased) thoughts during the loo breaks AKA when they have the boring background segments about each singer.
There are games: Everyone who comes has to give up a quid and take a slip of paper with a country on, when the winner is announced, the person with the corresponding ticket gets all the dosh! And there’s always a drinking game- the rules are usually that every time someone gets ‘nul points’ (us) or when Graham makes a sarcastic comment, everyone takes a mouthful of their drink. Basically everyone who comes is totally hammered by the end.
They watch the scores with such false hope: Your partner knows we aren’t going to win- we haven’t won in years or seen the left side of the board for an age, but they are still personally offended when we don’t do better. You have to admire their investment in the show and their country- even if it’s only for one night of the year.
Plans are made for next year: As everyone leaves, there are promises of it all happening again and it gives people a chance to eat some lettuce or drink a glass of orange juice without your partner telling them off for deviating from the prescribed food colour chart.