Fear of rejection can be paralyzing when you are starting a new relationship, particularly when you have experienced it in the past or when you are feeling uncertain about another’s intentions. Here are my top ten ways to reduce the fear and enjoy what should be a magical time…
When you are snuggled up on the sofa hiding from the world, it is very easy for your mind to run away with unrealistic fears (90% of things that people worry about never happen – a true statistic). It is so easy to become consumed by thoughts, feelings and emotions. The first step is to become aware of them. Once you can do this, it will become easier to change them and master your fear.
Our beliefs about the relationship we are in can keep us stuck in fear. However, if you really take time to examine those beliefs and take a moment to ask yourself: ‘How true is what I believe?’ and ‘Where does this belief come from?’ this can be enough to give you the clarity to move past the inertia of the present.
It is very easy to think you are not enough when the fear of rejection peaks, especially when you are looking to start a new relationship. Take your time, grab a pen and paper and make a list all the things that are unique about you. You will be surprised at how many there are.
Build yourself up
When you know what you want you can become more self-confident. The key is clarity, make a list of these things and stick it on the fridge, try and focus on the thoughts and feelings that make you feel empowered. As you do this, you find your doubts will be replaced by self-belief.
Create an empowering inner voice
Start by noticing and then changing how you talk to yourself. For example, if you are going to meet a potential partner and fear that you are going to be rejected the voice in your head will be overwhelmingly negative. Turn that inner dialogue on its head, say ‘This is going to be great’, but not in your normal voice, in a big loud booming voice and then add in a funfair music as you approach the person. This is an instant confidence booster that would keep your fears at bay.
Change your focus
When you focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want, it is normally very hard to feel fearful. Imagine a large bright image of what you would like to have happen and hold that in your mind. Notice the sounds, the feelings that go with it. Whenever you start slipping into that old fear bring back that image, make it as bright and vivid as the first time you saw it - notice your doubts and fears reduce in proportion to its vivacious energy.
Observe the situation as it is. It is very easy to spend so much time worrying about being rejected that you do not take time to reflect. Is this a situation you really want? Is this person good enough for you? Are you truly compatible?
The past is past
When we have been hurt in the past it is easy to project that experience onto our future relationships. When you start a new relationship, it is important to remember that this is a brand new person. Try to leave the assumptions about people at the door. The past is not the present.
Your happiness depends on you
Our fear of rejection often comes from believing, erroneously that we are not enough on our own. If you are looking for someone to complete you, the main focus will be on your fears. When you can find the strength within yourself to feel complete even if you are single, attracting the right relationship becomes effortless, as like attracts like.
The more we can enjoy our relationship rather than get caught up in the problems, fears and doubts that surround them, the easier it becomes to take control of our insecurities and transform our fear of rejection into positive expectation. Why on Earth shouldn’t you expect to be loved and treated with the same respect you offer a partner?
By Christopher Paul Jones, AKA The Breakthrough Expert, who specialises in helping people let go of their fears, anxieties and even their phobias http://christopherpauljones.net/
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Christopher Paul Jones, aka The Breakthrough Expert, is a therapist based in Harley Street who specialises in helping people let go of their fears, anxieties and even their phobias; from a fear of public speaking to anxieties around work, Christopher has helped 100s of people ‘let go’ and get their lives back. He even cured his own morbid fear flying, to the extent he was able to take a sightseeing flight through the Pyrenees – strapped to the OUTSIDE of a helicopter!
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