Anonymous asks :

This guy I’ve been talking to for over a month won’t meet up with me. Does this mean he doesn’t like me?

Psychotherapist Noel McDermott comments: “Online dating is our norm and has been for some time now but especially so in the current climate. It’s helping a lot of people but we need to be clear with ourselves about our own boundaries around it. All sorts of new behaviours have emerged due to it, such as ghosting, which we didn’t engage in before. So we have to think about our own place within this. 

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Image courtesy of Pixabay

If someone was hesitant previously about meeting that might have been a red flag situation. Red flag denoting serious problem, so best to move on. But in the time of coronavirus it might mean other things, such as anxiety about the virus. So it’s important to establish what this means, and if your ‘date’ can’t communicate to you clearly what the issue is then you have a red flag situation. If they are worried about the virus then you need an honest conversation about safe dating during these odd times, which means social distancing and good hand hygiene. 

When to be physically intimate used to of course mean kissing and sex. Now it means when do you go inside the 6 feet boundary! Have those conversations up front with your date. Be proactive about the issues. We should all be used to by now having conversations about keeping safe around sex, it’s OK to have those conversations about keeping safe around the virus.

As well as looking at these issues you need to look at your boundaries around communication with your date and also how long you are willing to wait until they meet you. Being clear with yourself about this and with them means you will know when to leave as the situation is not giving you what you want.” 

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist and International Speaker with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care and education. He is the founder and CEO of three organisations, Psychotherapy and Consultancy Ltd, Sober Help Ltd and Mental Health Works Ltd. which provide health and social care services to individuals, families and organisations dealing with mental health and addiction problems. www.noelmcdermott.net

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