Donna asks :

Hi Lucy,

I hope you can help. I’m lost I’ve lost myself through years of pain. It started with a bad relationship. I had 2 kids and then moved to Greece; I had to leave my kids because my partner was violent towards me. It took me 8 years of fighting to get them back. My son is 12 my daughter is 14. I feel my daughter will do anything to stay away from home and it really hurts me she would rather stay at friends day and night. I love her so much so I don't say ‘no’ but inside it’s destroying me. Please help I’m so lost and hurt.

Hi Donna,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If you were apart for so long then it is natural that you might need some time to create a bond between you both.

Perhaps you could talk to her and tell her how you feel about your distance. She might feel hurt that you left, however if you tell her why then she might have a better understanding of why you did.

It’s not about getting her to take sides, but more of an explanation for your behaviour.

She might be affected by all the change in her life right now- new surroundings and being reunited with her mother. That is a lot for a teenager to take all at once, especially under such troubled circumstances.

There might be lot of discuss given how much has happened in her short life and everything you have been through, so if you are able to talk to her then it might help bring you both closer together and create a belated connection between the two of you.

If this doesn’t happen then perhaps some counselling either together or apart might help you both to make sense of what has passed and seek potential in the relationship you have now. 

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