Jade asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now, all this time I have been at university over 4 hours away. We argue occasionally which we know is normal. But as the time nears for me to come home we been having arguments at least 3 times a week over the phone. The main one was liking a girl’s picture on Instagram to which he replied saying he knew the girl and that he doesn't speak to her but just like the photo. I believe that he wouldn't cheat on me because he hardly goes anywhere but the fact he liked another girls photo made me really angry. Only today I found out he had been sending snap chats to girls of which one was his boss’ daughter who is married and has a baby. The other he says is a girl he hasn't spoken to in years. But I'm angry at the fact he is sending pictures to these girls, it probably isn't of his face or anything else because he is quite camera shy. He doesn't understand it makes me unhappy that he does these things. He doesn't see any wrong in them and it makes me more agitated. What do I do?
Our Reply
Hi Jade,
It is difficult in a long distance relationship to know what is going on in your partner’s life all the time. It can make some people feel a little insecure when one of their points of contact is social media, where lots of their partner’s friends of the opposite sex are also active.
Chances are if he doesn’t see anything wrong with it then it’s because there is nothing to it. If he was being a secretive about what he was doing and lying to you then that could be an indicator of something more worrying. But it sounds like he is being quite open with you about posting the pictures and liking them. If he is messaging girls who are married and have a baby, then there is likely less of a threat there too.
If you know he won’t cheat on you then perhaps talk to him about it again and tell him how much it’s bothering you. Maybe ask him how he would feel if you were doing the same. If you tell him when you are angry then he might shut down and not listen to you, but a mature conversation might be the way forward here. That said if you trust him- his word should be enough to let you know that he would never intend to cheat on you.
tagged in University boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
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