M.K asks :
Hi Lucy,
So less than a week ago, I stopped speaking to my best friend of seven years. We've been so close for years and we always have a lot of fun together. I tell her everything and she's like my sister.
She's always had a problem with honesty and has a tendency to lie about things but lately it seems all she does is lie. It feels like she's forgotten how to tell the truth and lying is just a habit now. She'll lie over silly trivial things that there's no point to lie about and she'll lie over important things too. I feel like I can't trust her because of all the lying which is why we stopped talking. I don't like being on guard all the time and lying is just the one thing that I don't do.
My parents raised me not to lie; it's always the no-go in my family. You lie to get into this country for a better life, you lie about your religion when someone holds a gun to your head, you lie when you smile because people want to mock your name but you never let them know they hurt you, but you don't lie to people you claim to love and care about.
I'm really upset about the constant lying but I also really miss my best friend. I've known her so long and I don't want to lose her, but I can't have someone around me who always lies. What should I do?
Hi M.K.,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It has only been less than a week since you stopped talking to one another, so you may need to give yourself some time to digest what has happened. It's understandable that you miss her; she has been part of your life for seven years, the feeling of absence will likely linger for a little while.
The lying seems to have driven a wedge between you both, which is within her control, if she's aware of what she's doing when she's doing it. If she realises how serious you are by ending your friendship then perhaps she will be motivated to change.
If this is more than a habit and she has become a pathological liar, she may need professional help. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is used in the treatment of pathological liars, however it can be challenging as someone who's far advanced might not be able to tell the difference between a lie and the truth. If you believe her to be in serious trouble then it might be worth suggesting to her friends or family to give her a nudge in this direction.
It might just be a case of waiting on your part- to see if she makes the positive changes to get you back and kick this need to avoid the truth.
Sometimes, as unnatural as it might feel, we have to cleanse ourselves of people who are a bad influence or a drain on our own life. If her behaviour was bringing you down, then it sounds like, for now, it could be a positive move for you. It might help to focus on the positives not having her in your life can bring, especially if every good memory was tainted by a lie.
It could be the end of the chapter for you both however it could be just a well needed break in your friendship in order for her to realise that no relationship should be based on lies.
tagged in friend
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.