Anonymous asks :
Hi Lucy,
Me and my boyfriend are constantly arguing, in the end we are able to work things out but we're both so tired of the arguing. We've tried having breaks but they don't seem to work and we still want to be together; what shall we do about this?
Hi Anonymous,
Agony Aunts on Female First
The first question I would ask is what you argue about- is it bigger issues regarding you future together or everyday niggles?
If you argue over larger matters, then this may be indicative that you are destined for different paths or that one or both of you needs to make a sacrifice.
If it's little and often, then maybe you are not working things out as well as you think you are. Maybe you find it hard to resolve arguments thoroughly and that's why they are a constant struggle.
Perhaps you could play out on of your resolution moments in your mind and consider if there is a better way you can end your period of conflict. Do you talk about it afterwards? If not then this might be good place to start- listen to each other's reasons for feeling angry and then come to a compromise.
Think about what triggers the arguments- if you feel yourself reacting badly- take a step back and when you have cooled down tell him what he did that made you upset and it might help to diffuse the argument before it happens.
The biggest problem with arguments is that people often neglect to see their partner's point of view, so some consideration for this might help you both but things in perspective.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.