Anonymous asks:

Hi, I really like an ex-colleague who I think I am really good friends with. 

He recently got divorced and has 2 young boys. 

After I left work, we’d occasionally message. 

I always ask how he is but he never asks me how I’m doing or his messages are very late even though I know he has read the message. 

This week he had knee surgery, and to help him I picked him up from hospital, parked in central London, paid congestion charge, bought something for him to eat and drove him home nearly 52 miles from home each way. 

Since then I messaged him to ask how he is and the responses are very laboured and late. 

What should I do? Do you think I should now move on and forget about him as the signals I’m getting are that he doesn’t want to know me. I feel used and hurt.

 

Hi there,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Do yourself a massive favour. Take mixed signals as a no. We females have this tendency to over analyse hot and cold romantic behaviour. We make excuses for men (and women) – they’re ill, they’re busy at work, they are struggling with self-isolation, they’re juggling the kids, etc.

The fact is if someone is into you, they will make it plain and obvious. There won’t be any games or mystery. You won’t be waiting for a text, your stomach cold with anxiety.

The very least you are entitled to, particularly after driving this colleague 52 miles to his home, is a big thank you and acknowledgement of your texts.

It takes, literally, seconds to tap a message out. I can send a text whilst cooking a vegan casserole, and practicing my salsa steps in the kitchen.

I can even call people and talk while running round the park at lunchtime or sorting my laundry. I’ve had calls with people on the loo (there’s a reason there’s a ‘mute’ button!). No one is too busy to be polite.

I suspect this guy is ‘banking’ you. He’s put you on his list of options. These options could be romantic or they could be simply titled ‘useful in a crisis’.

You’re so much more than a ‘useful’. I’m sure you’re attractive, smart, sassy and kind.

Don’t let this guy take advantage of you. No more big favours or texts. Park it and you’ll soon see if he is really interested or simply hooking you in when he wants something.

By Rachael Lloyd at eHarmony 


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