Fraser asks:
Hi Lucy,
First thing I’ve never done this before so not sure what to expect. Me and my friend broke up last year (my job was the cause) and we've been through hell to stay connected. Four months ago she got into a new relationship with a guy I know is a complete a-hole. But we still have feelings for each other. And when we see each other we always make out before we leave and I’ve tried to break that off but she said she still likes me but him too. I'm leaving for the forces soon and don't know whether to tell her to let me go or if I should make one last attempt and get her back. Please help. Thanks
Hi Fraser,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like you have found it so hard to get over each other because you broke up over your job rather than incompatibility. This type of split can be harder to overcome because you feel that you may still be right for one another if it wasn't for the outside factor.
You may think badly of this guy; however it may take her longer to realise the same, if she ever does. If he really is as bad as you say, then she may need to learn this on her own as any opinion of yours might fall on deaf ears because you have an agenda.
If you were to try again before going in the forces, you would be putting your relationship at a great disadvantage, given the long distance element. It's arguable that this is a lot of pressure and perhaps too soon- do you think that your past would help you both navigate your way through this barrier?
She has also said that she likes you both, so perhaps it would be worth waiting until she has made her decision or you could find yourself in a more complex love triangle.
If she does try to make out with you every time you leave, then it might help you to try and resist this as it seems that it's making you question her intentions and its confusing you.
Joining the forces could be a new start for you and a means of focusing on something other than her for a while. Maybe when you come home you can see where she's at and go from there. If at that point she's single, then that could be your time to make your move. With that said, try not to hold all you hopes on this. Make the most of your time away rather than building up to a moment or you will miss out in between.
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