Anonymous asks:

Me and my boyfriend have been living together for the past 6 months. 

I am in my final year of university and work at the same time so I am constantly busy or exhausted. My sex drive has plummeted! 

This is really affecting him as he has a very high sex drive and we have started arguing over this. 

I’m really struggling with all the pressure at the moment and don’t know what to do?! 

We have been together for nearly 3 years and love each other dearly.

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “Sexual mismatches are one of the biggest reasons for relationship break-ups, so you are right to be worried about this situation. What you need to establish in your own mind is whether this is just a temporary loss of libido due to the over-work and pressure or a more fundamental issue which may cause a split with your boyfriend in the long-term.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“Libido is a fluid thing - it ebbs and flows depending on circumstances. Clearly yours is at rock bottom at present but you are in a big year. Uni finals are stressful - your whole future is at stake. Combining all that with a job too is a handful. It is no wonder you can barely summon the energy for sex. Will your libido return once you have your finals out of the way in the early summer?  If you are confident that it will, then you need to explain sensitively to your boyfriend that this is just a blip and he needs to show a little patience. If he really loves you, he will understand. And given how close you are, I am a little surprised that he has not come to this conclusion on his own. It reflects badly on him that he is pressuring you for sex in this way at a time of stress for you.

“You say your boyfriend ‘has a very high sex drive.’ Do you have a high sex drive, too, when you are not stressed? I suspect not. I appreciate there are good reasons for your loss of libido but to completely loss interest in sex is a worrying sign. I suspect the two of you have different needs when it comes to sex and this issue is going to come up again and again. Lots of couples live together very happily with mismatched sex drives but it is not easy and it requires a level of compromise which, so far, your boyfriend is not showing. It could be that you would be happier with someone whose sexual needs are more compatible with your own in the long-term. Deep down you will know if this is the case.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com 


tagged in

Need Help?

If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.