Anonymous asks:

I am 45, married and have two kids. 

I have fallen in love with a woman who is 33 and also has two kids. 

She prefers tall men of her age who have a deep voice. 

I am not any of these. 

There is a third person of her age who is tall and has a deep voice. 

He is also in love with her. He is also a guitarist and a good artist. 

She says she has a soft spot for him and really likes him. 

On the other hand, she says that she finds my age to be a hindrance for her. 

She says she has a lot of respect for me! 

We meet like once in a fortnight and go for a drive, whereas she meets him everyday. 

She says that she doesn't meet him like she meets me. 

Where do I stand in this relationship? 

Is it really as bad as it sounds for me? 

Or is there any twist anywhere?


Noel McDermott says: “I don’t think you are in love, I think you are suffering from chronically low self esteem. The idea you would risk everything you have built for a ‘relationship’ with someone who clearly does not want you is very odd to say the least. You are in serious danger of turning yourself into the mid-life crisis cliché and in serious danger of ending up with the pain the goes with acting out on this idiocy. I don’t judge people falling in love but as I say this isn’t love. It isn’t love because it’s not reciprocal. It’s a simple rule about love relationships, they are shared and reciprocal and mutual. 

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Image courtesy of Pixabay

My strong suggestion is that you break this off and go get help to sort out whatever this emotional crisis is. Certainly it is your choice to walk out on your marriage if you wish, but I would think about what you are walking to. It’s one of the biggest issues with what we call emotional or relationship 'geographicals'. When we move from one relationship to another we find we only end up meetings ourselves, and it is ourselves that is the common denominator in our problems, so we bring our problems with us. So sit still and sort yourself out, the grass may well be greener over there, but I can guarantee we bring our own shade to darken it when we make that move and it soon browns to that which we left.”

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist and International Speaker with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care and education. He is the founder and CEO of three organisations, Psychotherapy and Consultancy Ltd, Sober Help Ltd and Mental Health Works Ltd. which provide health and social care services to individuals, families and organisations dealing with mental health and addiction problems.

MORE: How can I stop my heart from being broken again?

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