Stephanie asks :
Hi Lucy,
What can I do? I'm 22, and have a huge fear that I my vagina is too wide.
I recently got together with this amazing guy, I couldn't imagine life without him now and so I want it to work more than anything, but this is terrifying me.
After my last long term partner I went onto the pill. Then I started seeing this guy who was quite large in size but everything was fine then, I could feel him. Even the previous long term partner, who was about average, was fine. Obviously I know the size of the guy and how many times you sleep with them doesn't affect how wide your vagina is, but I just don't get it then. Now, with my new boyfriend sometimes I don't feel anything, it just feels too wet. It’s making me so anxious because I'm only 22 and I haven't had any children. Plus I'm currently in my final year of my degree which is even more stressful. So as this is always at the front of my mind its hindering my ability to concentrate and I just burst into tears on regular occasions.
I've tried kegels and I've researched so much, but there's no useful information for women to say what’s normal and what's not, in terms of vaginal size. I broke down and sort of told him what the issue was, he said everything was fine, but I have bad anxiety as it is, and even now it makes me break down in floods of tears. Please help, it's ruining my self-confidence on a daily basis.
Hi Stephanie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Chances are, if you're not experiencing any discomfort or disruption to sexual function- your vagina is within the normal range. It's possible that if your previous partners were bigger than your current partner that you felt them more when they were inside you and you're simply adjusting to the different sensation.
The vagina is an incredibly complex part of a woman's body because it can hold onto a small tampon yet stretch to give birth to a baby- so it should accommodate your partner whatever size he is.
If you feel you need something to stimulate your vagina why not try a textured condom or some tingling lube? This might give you the internal stimulation you are looking for.
If it's really wet when you are having ex- are you using too much lube? Perhaps try using a little less and see how that affects the sensation.
If you aren't using lube and you are naturally wet during sex, which is causing too much of a slippery sensation, it might be worth investing in a toy that will stimulate you externally while your partner is inside you and move the attention from your g-spot to your clitoris.
Perhaps with this partner you just need to adjust your technique. Many woman can't reach orgasm from penetration alone and require clitoral stimulation to get there. It might be that you need to change up your routine with your new partner to feel satisfied again.
The important thing is- you have talked to your partner about the problem and started a dialogue about this. It sounds like it isn't affecting him so he may need to spend more time on helping you through this.
It sounds like the psychological aspect of this is affecting you more than the physical aspect. If you are tense before you have sex and fixating on that one thing- it's possible that this is what's stopping you from enjoying it.
Could you try extending your foreplay to help you relax more? Or ensure where you're having sex is helping to put you in the right mood? Or you could ask him to tell you how it feels to be inside you while you're having sex to reassure you that the size of your vagina is not an issue.
tagged in Partner
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