Anonymous asks:

Hi! I’m a 20 year old university student that’s having guy issues. 

I’ve previously had problems with guys from an early age, which I have had therapy for. 

But I tend to keep on making the same mistakes/attracting the wrong kind of guys that just want me physically. 

I know what I would like from a guy but I’m just so used to settling or entertaining someone just because they show a bit of interest in me. 

I haven’t been in a proper relationship before and I long to be in one, just with the right person. What am I doing wrong? 

I’d be grateful for your help and advice! Thanks 

 

Relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “Don’t be too hard on yourself - you are only 20 and have a lot of life to live and a lot to learn about finding happiness in relationships. Lots and lots of other young people are in the same boat as you - feeling their way, kissing a few frogs and struggling to find Mr Right. Don’t worry: you are on a learning curve and every mis-step you take now, when you have just left home for the first time and are living independently for the first time, will inform your choices as you move on with your life and mature.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Image courtesy of Pixabay

“It does, however, sound that your relationship teething problems might be a little more deep-seated than usual. You say that you’ve had ‘therapy’ for these problems, which is unusual in a 20-year-old but no bad thing. Therapy can be enormously beneficial in sorting out exactly what we want from life and I applaud you for seeking expert emotional support at such a young age. I don’t doubt you have benefitted from the experience and your therapist has given you some good advice about how to move forward in the best way. I wouldn’t want to contradict their advice because clearly they know a lot more about your problems than I do.

“You say that you ‘keep on making the same mistakes/attracting the wrong kind of guys’ - again, this is a common complaint from a woman your age. Not all men but lots and lots of men are deeply unreliable at that stage in life, and lots of women, too. You have moved away from your parents for the first time, you have maybe had a handful of partners and can sleep with new people in your own place - a flat or a room in a hall of residence. It is an incredibly exciting time. At least it was until Covid came along and caused havoc with everyone’s arrangements. But dating at your age is full of uncertainties and you are going to make a lot more mistakes. 

“What I find encouraging is that you have an acute understanding of where you are going wrong and how to put it right. You say that you ‘settle for someone’ just because they show a bit of interest in me. The clue is in the word ‘settle.’ Why settle for second best? This is your problem in a nutshell: you are not being proactive enough and you are limiting your choices to guys who come on to you rather than seeking out the guys you truly desire. It is no wonder that you are finding the guys you end up with a little underwhelming. Please be a lot more picky and go after the guys you really want. I know this is not easy and it can be frightening making the first move but you are in an environment (university) where that is a little easier to do because you are surrounded by so many people the same age - most looking for love like you.

“The next time a really underwhelming guy chats you up, politely tell him you are not interested and seek out the guy you really want. He won’t be far away.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com 


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