Shelly asks :
Hi Lucy,
Right, so, I'm horrendous with dating and relationships on any level. I kissed my housemate’s best friend on a night out. But towards the end of the night he acted like a massive jerk. So I told him in no-uncertain terms to leave me alone and that he did my head in (worth noting that the language I used was a little more colourful than this.) He has since met up with me to apologise, but I wasn't having any of it, until I heard him on the phone to my housemate, asking if he knew what he should do and if I'd forgive him. To which I replied "I'll be your friend, I guess". Now that we've hung out a bunch more, I've realised we have everything in common and I actually really like him! -annoying- it's obvious there's something there. Especially as he keeps blowing other people off to hang with me. I've been so blunt in the past that when it comes down to goodbyes and stuff, he's too awkward and jittery to even hug me, even though I can see him trying to. How can I show him that I am actually interested in a more than friendly level a without looking like a total idiot or coming across as desperate??
Our Reply
Hi Shelly,
You got off to a bad start- many people do. It’s what you do moving forward that counts, to show him that first impressions were bad and things were said but that you have put it in the past and found some common ground.
The reluctance to hug you and ‘awkwardness’ may be down to him being cautious around you after things didn’t start off so well. It sounds like he is concerned with what you think of him, given that he strived to ask for your forgiveness and asked for help from your friend.
Why not ask him out just you and him? You don’t need to necessarily say that it’s a date, but he will probably get the message. If you spend more time on your own you might ease the pressure a bit and he could start to feel more relaxed in your company. It sounds like you are going to have to be the more forward one here- so if he doesn’t hug you then perhaps initiate it and get him used to being tactile with you.
He might be embarrassed about the way he acted and is still thinking about it or regretting it. Try to make him feel as comfortable as possible. If he is beating himself up about messing up the night you kissed, this will likely make him realise that you have got over it and that perhaps he should to.
You never know, things might naturally progress and you could find yourself kissing again without a prompt. Ultimately the more comfortable you feel in each other’s company the easier it should be to take things to the next level. Before you know it you could be asking him out!
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