Cathy asks :
Dear Lucy,
I’ve been best friends with this girl since in nappies and still are. We have a big group of friends that live close so were with each other every day, the thing is, her hygiene is terrible and was always a big problem but it’s becoming worse. She hasn’t showered in over a month, not exaggerating, she doesn’t brush her teeth, doesn’t change her clothes very often, hasn't got clean hair and it kills me to say it but there’s also an awful smell which is never ending, people have called her terrible names. My group of friends and I have always wanted to tell her because people laugh at her over her hygiene! But it'll kills me to sit there and say them things I wouldn’t like being said to me, others think we are looking out for her but I don’t know I could see her stopping talking to us and I really don’t want her too as she’s like a sister!! Please help. She doesn’t look after herself it upsets me to see this.
Hi Cathy,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Personal hygiene can be a tricky subject to bring up, but there comes a point when it needs addressing as it could affect her in future, physically and mentally.
For instance, if she continues not to brush her teeth, she will end up with dental disease. As food particles build up on the teeth, plaque begins to form. The bacteria in this release acids which wear away the enamel of the teeth. Then a harder substance called calculus forms on the teeth which irritates the gums. This can progress into gingivitis, inflammation of the gums and then gum disease, which will destroy her teeth.
Women in particular can get in infections of the urethra if they don't wash their genitalia often as feces can make its way from the rectum to the urethra.
It is not just a matter of how it is affecting her socially but her health is very much at risk too.
If you are her closest friend then it may fall to you to talk to her. Or could you mention it to her mum, if your family is close and you feel too uncomfortable to broach the subject yourself?
Whoever talks to her might need to do it sooner rather than later before her health conditions get out of hand. If she starts to put good hygiene habits in place while she is young she will save herself a world of trouble when she's older and prevent ongoing issues now.
In terms of the social impact it could have on her- she may find that your shared friends no longer want to spend time with her and she might find it difficult to secure a job- so perhaps honesty is the best policy here for her benefit.
tagged in Friends best friend
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