Anonymous asks:

I have been with my partner 5 years and we have a little boy together who has additional needs. 

He has a son with his ex partner which they had been separated before we got together however she has never liked me. 

Due to this she makes daily life extremely difficult because I am not to come into contact with her. Not that I really want to but we have his son stay with us a few nights a week and I feel for his sake it would be good if we had some sort of civil relationship. 

She is quick to ask for favours from my partner like painting his son’s bedroom at her house etc. 

I just feel this situation of us not being civil really odd as I’m not a horrible person. 

His son has started using a phone now texting and asks me things like why can’t he text me from mummy’s phone? How do I explain this? 

I guess I just need someone to explain I’m not going crazy, I should add she’s in her late 30’s I’m 29. 

Thanks, anonymous.

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “I really feel for you because you sound like you are getting a raw deal from your partner’s ex. She is behaving selfishly and putting her own feelings above those of her son which is unforgivable. How can you get her to change? That is the tricky bit. I don’t think you can. The key is your partner. He is the one who needs to broker a peace and stop his ex from ostracising you. Get to work on him and stress how unhappy this impasse is making you. I am sure he adores you and his son and will want to do what he can to make things better. I think there is little chance of his ex listening to you and your pleas for a better relationship, but she might just listen to her ex.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“You don’t explain the circumstances of his split with his ex but I doubt it was amicable. Did he leave her for you? If so, that would obviously explain her antipathy. I suspect that she is a little intimidated by you as the younger woman and she may well be jealous of your relationship with her ex.

“Whatever differences she had with her ex previously sound like they have been resolved. It’s good that she feels comfortable enough to ask him to do jobs around the house like painting the son’s bedroom. You describe this as ‘favour’ - I don’t think it is a favour. Your partner is her son’s dad - it is perfectly reasonable for her to ask him to paint the room and it is his duty more than a favour. Yes, she could do it herself but she has a lot on her plate bringing up the boy with ‘additional needs’ and it is only right that the boy’s dad chips in by helping with jobs of this kind. The fact that you see this work as a ‘favour’ may explain why his ex doesn’t like you. Try to see things from her perspective. I am sure that you are not a ‘horrible person’ but their split will have caused all sorts of resentments and you need to be sensitive to her needs.

“Hopefully your partner can get her to view you a little more sympathetically but I don’t think this will be easy, so be prepared for more frustrating times ahead. If you both try to be as supportive as you can to his ex, hopefully she will come around and realise that her son’s needs are best served by you two having a good relationship. Be patient and kind and I do think things will change for the better over time.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com 


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