Bella asks :

Hi Lucy,

So I have a classic girly problem but I've been racking my brains trying to figure out what to do or think. I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months- we've spent almost every weekend together dinner dates, lunch dates the works! I've been treated so badly in the past and he's the first guy in a long time that makes me feel comfortable/special. The only problem is when I talk about the future and subtly discuss the way we feel about each other he shuts off. I don't know whether it's because he's got a fear of commitment or whether he just doesn't like me that much and is just enjoying the company without the ties. I don't want to let myself really like this guy if he's not in it for the long run. I know if I'm feeling this way I need to have 'the talk' with him but it's so hard to gauge how he's feeling or find the right time. I feel like a ninny asking for advice over something so trivial- especially when people have real problems but I just don't know what to do! I know deep down it’s because I have really strong feelings for him and so I don't want things to end I equally don't want to be hurt again! I have no idea what to do any advice would be amazing!!!!


Hi Bella,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Two months is not the long to be with someone. If you have strong feelings for him now then you might need to be patient as people develop feelings for one another at different rates. Perhaps you are so drawn to him because you were treated badly in the past and he is a breath of fresh air in your romantic life.

If he makes you feel comfortable and special, then perhaps just enjoy that sense of elation for a while. If he can sustain this level of effort then that's usually a good sign. If you treasure the moments you have together on your dates, then try to think day to day and make the most out of your alone time in the moment.

Often with strength of feeling comes a lesser fear of commitment. So you might need to be together for longer before he begins to feel the same way you do.

Perhaps for now just ask him about being exclusive. If he does want to talk longer term then at least you will be assured he wants to make it known to others that you are a couple. On the flip side if he doesn't then it will stop you from getting hurt before you fall any harder for him.

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