Susan asks :
Hi Lucy,
I live in Spain; my daughter and granddaughter have moved back to the UK. I miss them dreadfully; my husband will not move back his work is in Spain. We have been here for 10 years. My dilemma is do I carry on feeling split in two or will I have to choose? I never wanted my family to be separated and now we are. I recently returned to the UK but my husband was missing me so much I decided to be with him. Now I feel lonely and do not want to miss out on the close relationship I have with my daughter and granddaughter. She went back to go to university and get a better education which she could not do in Spain. Unless you can finance it my husband is happy as long as I am happy. He thinks if I can go back every 3 months it will work but I miss them so much as I was with them every day. Now I Skype plus I hate the hot weather I’ve been married for 31 years my daughter is 23 and my granddaughter is 2 years old.
Our Reply
Hi Susan,
It sounds like you are very torn right now between missing your husband and missing your daughter and grandchild.
Perhaps you could go over there every three months and ask if they could come over to see you in between? Could your husband finance them travelling over to see you if they can’t? Or could you go over more often? If your husband just wants to see you happy, then perhaps he would be willing to pay for you to go over every month?
Perhaps if Skype is not working for you then emails or letters might be the better option? You might not be able to see them; however you could exchange pictures in the interim. Could you call every day so you are still getting the daily contact you seem to crave and miss so much?
If your daughter is going to university, she will have large chunks of holiday where you could perhaps go and see her or her see you for longer.
There are still ways to ensure that you don’t lose contact or lose that closeness that you had. It is difficult when you are not physically together, however if your partner has to work there then it sounds like the option to move back to the UK is not available to you right now. Unless you do and make visits to your husband every three months instead?
Perhaps if you make contact every day it will make the time go faster between your visits and give you something to really treasure and look forward to.
It may be that if you make more regular plans than you have now you won’t feel like you have to choose and possibly have it all- both time with your husband and regular time with your daughter and granddaughter.
tagged in Spain University Relationship Husband UK daughter yin and yang agony aunt
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