Ben asks :

Hi Lucy,


Well... Where do I start? I met this gorgeous girl earlier on in the year and we really clicked and all through the summer we kind of dated. When I went back to school in winter we became an item and ever since we've been really happy together. I'm only 13 and I'm kind of scared if commitment so when she talks about stuff like marriage and forever I'm kind of thrown off. She was my first kiss but we argue every two days or so and it really gets me depressed I've tried to change myself/her but it doesn't have a permanent effect. Also it was her birthday the 14th of December and I kind of splashed out on her birthday and Christmas gifts (£70 total) and I'm not sure whether to ask for them back after all of this. We've been official for four months but as much as I love her I can't see myself staying with this girl. Help! I guess my question is what should I do?

Our Reply

Hi Ben,      


If you have only been going out for 4 months and you are as young as you are it is not unusual to be afraid of commitment so early on. If you are arguing about stuff like this now, then it might only get worse if you were to stay together, as this is something you might never see eye to eye on. If you really can’t see this relationship being long term when clearly she does, it sounds like the best things is to go your separate ways.


She might be gorgeous and your first kiss etc., however you have to be compatible in other ways too to be able to sustain the relationship. Perhaps you love her but just as a friend? You could just be swept up in your first romance and it’s more of an infatuation than true love. Asking for your gifts back may just make things worse between you both. If you want to keep her as a friend then I would suggest talking to her and discussing the fact that you want different things from your future.


There is a lot of life experience still to be had by you both before thinking about marriage- especially when you are not even of legal age to tie the knot. It isn’t really fair on her to let her think that you both want a future together when you don’t.


It seems that you have answered your won question; you just need to find the courage to be honest with her about your true feelings.

Lucy x 

by for
find me on and follow me on

Need Help?

If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.