Jenni asks :
My boyfriend of two and half years is only interested in having sex with me half as much as I am with him but he also watches porn and has lied about this many times until he's been caught out. For the last year we've rarely managed more than once a week, his reasons are he's getting old (he's 34, I'm 28) he's tired and that all sex lives eventually dwindle. Otherwise he's very loving. I wouldn't have a problem with our differing sex drives if he wasn't watching porn, I wouldn't mind him watching porn if our sex life was more active. We've talked a few times but he won't agree try change our sex life or give up the porn. How can I get him to compromise?
Porn is the easier option, it may have nothing to do with not wanting to have sex with you, it just means less effort on his part, as less energy is expelled during masturbation. He is right with busy lives, couples’ sex lives are suffering more than they used to and sex lives can dwindle as you get older, if you let them. It seems he has given in far too early. If he is loving then you know that he feels something for you. If he was not having sex with you at all then I would worry, but he is so he is still attracted to you.
What can I do?
Men like to sometimes live in a fantasy world and this allows them to do it without being unfaithful, they are very visual creatures and so having a variety of stimuli is appealing for them. Like it or not they are programmed to want to have sex with lots of women for procreation, but this method means that he is having an element of that, however still remaining monogamous. Try buying a vibrator and using it as often as he does, be open about when you do it and maybe he will get jealous that you are getting pleasure from something battery powered rather than him. Either play him at his own game and see if you get a reaction or maybe have a sneaky look at the girls in the porn films to see what they are wearing and try and match it. Nothing will shock him more than if you walk into the bedroom wearing one of the outfits from the film!
tagged in yin and yang fantasy
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