Louise asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have a 5 year old son who I love more than anything. I was having a chat with my mother last week and she told me that he is arrogant and spoiled! She has been going through a very stressful time lately. I spoke to my father about it and he said "oh you know your mother!" He is doing very well at school, and is always polite and well mannered, he doesn't throw tantrums. The problem is that I grew up very quiet and self-conscious (due to my mother) and I don't want that to happen to my son. I don't want to stop taking him to my parent’s house because that would really upset everyone involved.
Hi Louise,
Agony Aunts on Female First
The important thing to remember here is that what your mother said is her opinion, at a time when, like you say she was having difficulties. People say things they don't mean when they are stressed or blow them out of proportion if they feel they can't cope. It may be that something she could normally handle was beyond her on that day because she wasn't in the right place to deal with it.
If your son had played up then your father might have said something to you to back your mother up. The fact that he didn't suggests that she may have just been having a bad day and things got on top of her. It sounds like he is used to this response from her or her mood by what he said.
If she is comparing your son to you when you were little, then there may be some differences, which may be making her feel unsure about how to react.
It sounds like you have raised your son the best you know how and don't want him to have the childhood that you did by encouraging him to be more vocal and less self-conscious.
If he is well mannered with you and at school then chances are he will be the same around your parents generally too.
Perhaps you could talk to her about what behaviours he displayed that make her feel that he is spoiled. If she could be more specific then you are more likely to be able to act on that rather than her more ambiguous statement.
tagged in Mother
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