M asks :
Hi Lucy!
I feel this is a bit of a tender subject, but my fiancé won’t stop watching porn when I am out the house and when I question him about it, he denies it. At first, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't enough to satisfy him in bed and he had to do that. But after speaking to a close friend about it, she said that just ask him if you can watch it together, it may bring you relationship about it closer and it will take the dishonesty out of it. So I did this, he almost laughed in my face, said he didn't do that anymore and it was a ridiculous idea and why should I bring it up. Which made me feel like it was me even more. After a few weeks of really thinking it over, it took me a long to realise that it wasn't me that was the problem; he was watching the act and not the people as such. So again, I brought up the idea of telling me when he had watched it. I made it clear that it didn't bother me as much, but I would like him to stop being dishonest. He shrugged and we didn't speak about it. Then after a few days, I find it again, hidden in the internet history. I asked him if he had, calmly and curious, but not protruding, and he denied it again, saying that his brother had access to our laptop and it was him, but it couldn't of been as his brother was at work when the site was accessed (We have date stamps on our internet history~) What do you think I should do? Turn a blind eye or keep asking him to be honest with me? I feel if I keep asking, he will hide it even more.. Thanks
Hi M,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Most men watch porn because they tend to masturbate more than women and are very visual creatures when they do. Women are able to get themselves off through fantasy and imagination so it can be difficult to understand their fascination with it.
He will likely know in his heart of hearts that the people in it are not a realistic representation of men and women- so perhaps you are right- that he is watching it for the act and not the women. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he has any issue with your sex life. It’s likely a habit that he got into long before he got with you.
If you have brought it up several times before then maybe leave it. If he is not cheating on you and is embarrassed to admit that he watches it then really what harm is he doing? If you have an active sex life and it’s not impacting on your time together then perhaps let that be his thing.
Alternatively, another option is to put some on in the bedroom right before you have sex that way he won’t have time to talk or think about it first and you can share the experience together.
tagged in Brother friend yin and yang agony aunt fiance
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