typical girl asks :
Dear Lucy,
I'm a typical 21 year old girl, I don't drink or do drugs, my mom’s ill so I do everything for her, go shopping, pop out for her, clean, anything she asks I do. But when I ask to go out for a few hours I come back and theirs a really bad atmosphere, always feels like I'm the bad person even though there's my dad and my brother and sister still in the house. I just want to have some enjoyment in life instead of doing everything for everyone and getting no gratitude once in a while. But every time I say something it always turns into arguments.. I just don't know what's best anymore, please help.
Our Reply
Hi there, thanks for getting in touch.
Chances are if you have done something for a while and it’s become a habit then your family will start to expect it of you. Sometimes these things can be taken for granted. When suddenly it stops or changes are made then people notice and often react badly to a change in routine.
You are entitled to have balance between your home life and your personal life. If you have helped you mum and not neglected her needs then there is no reason why you should feel guilty about having some ‘me’ time.
It could be that simply the change is so new that people are still adjusting. It might also boil down to that they are worried about you. If your new activities are out of character then they may be concerned that you will change. Also if you are taking some time out, it highlights that you do a lot for your mum and perhaps they feel guilty that they don’t do enough or are worried that they will have to do more.
See how things go, the more you have a life outside of your family the easier reactions might get. If you family continues to make you feel this way then it could be time to move out and find a place of your own so you can feel the freedom of doing what you want without the atmosphere.
Maybe before this try and ask you family to take on a role for your mum so you don’t have to do it all. That way they will have an appreciation of what you have had to do and it takes the burden off you.
Good luck,
Lucy x
tagged in Brother Mums Sister yin and yang dad agony aunt
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