Matthew asks :

Hi Lucy,

My partner and I have recently started arguing about everything. I don’t want to point fingers, but it is her causing them. Despite me telling her what bothers me several times she carries on. As much as I love her, I can’t carry on. I am no longer happy with the relationship. However, it is Christmas soon, we both spent a lot on presents for each other. How and when should I leave her? Wait until after Christmas, or do it as soon as possible? And what should I do with the presents?


Hi Matthew,

We argue all the time

We argue all the time

Rather than making plans to leave- could some relationship counselling help you to sort this new phase of your relationship out? If you could be happier if the arguments stopped then perhaps there is hope.

If arguing hasn't been commonplace throughout your relationship then perhaps something of late has triggered this reaction in your both? Have either or both of you been under a lot of stress? Have you had professional, personal or family struggles lately?

It may be worth booking in for some counselling before Christmas if you can or if not, in the New Year.

It sounds like you are struggling to communicate effectively with one another anymore. It seems that she doesn't hear your complaints and it's frustrating for you. Perhaps you're not addressing hers before you tell what bothers you?

Can you spend Christmas with other people so you're not left alone to argue the whole time? It might help to diffuse the situation if you have others to think about and distractions to get you through?

If you think some time apart might help you to re-evaluate things- do you have friends or family you could stay with over the festive period? Perhaps the added pressure of being together during this time might be more of a hindrance than a help? It might give you the time you need to think about your next move.

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