Róisín asks :
Hi Lucy,
This is a bit long, bear with me please! I'm 18, I broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months because I couldn't stand feeling not good enough for him anymore. He broke up with me 6 times, he wound me up before my final school exams so that I couldn't concentrate, he was never there when I needed him and I felt so unwanted and unloved the whole time, I don't know why I didn't leave sooner when I look back on it now. I'm in university now and I've noticed since we broke up that I tend to get around a bit when I'm out with my friends. There was one night I kissed 7 guys in one night. Since then I've calmed down a bit and I'm down to one or two on a night but obviously, I'm in university now, boys aren't happy with just making out anymore. I've asked to be "fuck buddies" a countless amount of times and they keep at me no matter how many times I say no. I'm a virgin, I've never gone home with a guy and I don't plan to, but I feel under so much pressure to get rid of my virginity. My ex led me to feeling wanted, that's all I've figured out on my own. But I want to be respected by guys, not just a little sex toy to have fun with. The only place I meet new people is on a night out, so how do I do this?
Hi Roisin,
I want to be respected by guys
It sounds like you are craving love and attention you lacked with your previous partner but finding it in the wrong places.
Those who you go out with may get the wrong impression of you- they might assume that you sleep with the guys who you kiss and so any guys that are close with you might avoid looking into anything more because they could assume you are not relationship material. That you are sleeping around- this might not be true but people fill the gaps.
It is common now, especially in the University environment for kissing to lead to sex. A lot of people in your age group are under the impression when they meet someone that this is the case every time. By kissing so many men on a night out you might not get the respect that you crave. Why not talk to them and arrange a date with them or exchange numbers with foresight to meeting again. This gives them the impression that you are not about to jump into bed with them, that you want something more meaningful.
Some women try to find confidence in themselves by the attention they get from men, which is possibly what you are doing here. The important thing to remember is that unless you feel confident in yourself, kissing a different man every night is not going to fix that.
You are right not to give in and lose your virginity just because it’s what these guys want; if it doesn’t feel right for you then stand your ground. There will be a guy out there who is willing to take things slower, so perhaps for now just look at how you are conducting yourself. If you want people to take an interest then leave something to the imagination; in the beginning at least.
I liken it to wearing revealing clothes, you can wear tight, low cut, short clothes so a guy knows your every curve, or you could wear something less fitted and leave guys guessing what is under there! It’s the same with the early stages of relationships.
tagged in Friends University boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt kissed
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.