Kaoutar asks :
Hello Lucy,
I am in a very committed relationship. The guy I love is a really wonderful one and very sophisticated. But, there's only one thing that bothers me about him: he is not clean and he doesn't care about his look whenever he comes to see me. I have tried many times to convince him to change the way he looks but it’s never worked. Once we had to break up because of this. I know appearance is not important but still we as humans need to look neat and clean. Please I need help I can't stand the guy for this reason. What shall I do?!
Hi Kaoutar,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you have already broken up over this and your partner has not changed then perhaps he never will as the thought of losing you does not seem to have encouraged him to make any amendments to his appearance. It sounds like he is comfortable with the way he is, looks and smells. If he can't see an issue then it is unlikely he will do anything about it.
If he isn't clean, then why not suggest some cheeky shower time or taking a bath together, so you can ensure he's freshened up while having some fun at the same time?
He may not know how to dress or what suits him, or how to do his hair- could you take him shopping and try to show him different clothes and styles rather than just talking about it? He may have worn the same style of clothes all his life and it can be a hard habit to break unless someone shows you other options. Perhaps a shopping trip is needed? He may decide to make a shift; or not- but at least you will have tried to show him alternatives.
Appearance is not everything; however it's important that you are attracted to your partner in some way and if this is putting you off from wanting to be seen with him or sleeping with him, then this could drive a wedge further between you both.
Although it should not be a mission to change the person you are with- basic hygiene can have a huge impact on intimacy. Fashion and style are one thing, but taking care of your personal cleanliness is another.
If you really love him, then this may be something you have to learn to live with and navigate around as mentioned above. However if you remain so divided in what you deem to be important, then perhaps he's not the guy for you.
tagged in Relationship
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