Leah asks :
I need some advice, i have been with my partner for a little over a year now things were great to start with we did move in quite quick but everything was fine. The past couple of months something has changed its like were more best friends then we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I love him and i wouldnt want to be a part from him but he treats me like im worthless i have told him and he has said that he is going to change but hasn't. now this is where it gets complicated. I have been best friends with a guy since school we talk everyday get on so well and there has always been something there but its never been the right time whether he's in a relationship or i am or we are both just not in the right place to have a relationship. well the other day he told me how strong his feelings were for me and how upset he could see i was. i told him that i had feelings for him but i couldnt jsut throw away what i had with my boyfriend so we carried on like normal but recently my boyfriend seems to treat me like im invisible and i dont know what to do. I even moved back home to shock my boyfriend in to think if he doesnt get his act together its over but its done nothing! do i leave him? do i try to make it work? when things are good between me and my boyfriend they are great absolutely amazing but it just seems like they are never good any more its always fighting and silence like there is a massive void between us. or do i leave him and see my best friend? i jsut dont know what to do and everyone i go to for advice is so one sided they dont see it from both points of view please help me!
Yin replies
Yin / Tyler
Lucy says:
Relationships can go stagnant after a year or so and this is the point where things are not seen through rose tinted glasses, however the best relationships need the least work. You freely admit that when things are good they are great but it has not been great for a while. If he treats you like you are worthless and you have pulled him up on it and he has done nothing, this shows little respect for you and your relationship. Trying to change someone usually means that the relationship is not in good shape. Little things, yes, but something as big as making you feel worthless is not acceptable. If he treats you like you are invisible and he was not affected by you leaving to stay at home then he clearly doesn’t feel much for you now. Perhaps you’re only meant to be friends. The ultimate question is can you see yourself with him for the long term? If the idea makes you unhappy then there is your answer. The reason you are so drawn to the other guy is because you are having trouble with your boyfriend, so be careful not to launch too quickly into things with your friend. If you have liked each other for as long as you have then it’s worth a shot to find out where it will go.
Yang replies
Yang / Lydia
Cameron says:
If this man is treating you like trash and didn’t even react to you moving away, then you need to get rid of this guy. There’s no point trying to change someone who knows he’s treating you terribly and yet doesn’t alter his behaviour at all, unless you have psychology degree and a spare year. In regards to this other guy, don’t jump into anything. You’re in a very fragile place right now and you just need some time to realise that you’re great again. Perhaps this friend is someone you could be with, the fact that you’ve been monitoring each other for a while says that there is a mutual attraction. You should wait though until you go into something new. If you do genuinely like this friend, then tell him you want to give anything between you two the best shot it can and tell him you don’t want him to be a rebound guy. He’ll understand that.
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