Dear Yin and Yang, I have a slightly unusual problem that I can not get to the bottom of! I have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years now and 90% of the time it's all peaches and cream and we get on fantastically. However last year I went to a friends party that he didn't go to. It was a rather drunken night of celebrations and to cut a very long story short I left my bag in the house. A friend of mine had been trying to come on to me all night so I set him up with another friend to get him off my back. The next day my boyfriend got a text forwarded to him. the original text had been sent from my phone to the friend who was coming on to me and it said "I don't know what happened between us last night but don't say anything to anyone". So basically it looked like I had cheated on my boyfriend! Now I certainly would never cheat on him because he is the love of my life and also I never sent the text. It would have been easy for him or someone else to have gone through my bag considering I left it in the house. Anyway the bottom line is a year later my boyfriend still doesn't fully trust me. Part of him believes that something happened between me and the other guy even though iv told him a million times nothing did. I'm at a lost end of what to do because 90% of the time we get on so great and have so much fun together and we've talked about our future and marriage etc. but then 9 times out of 10 when we have a night out and a few drinks he brings all that up about the guy and the party. How do I convince him once and for all that nothing happened so as we can move on past this issue. It's been a year and he still hasn't fully dropped it. He's had bad past relationships with cheating etc so I can understand why he is apprehensive but iv had past problems too and he should believe me when I tell him that id never cheat on him. It also effects us sometimes when I go out for a night with my friends without him. Even though most of the time I go out with just my girl friends he gets a bit apprehensive. Like if he calls me he's very short with me on the phone. I just feel that if he doesn't fully trust me our relationship is never going to fully work. I just don't know what to do because I love him very much and I know he loves me too and pretty much all of the time everything is great and we get on so well but then sometimes this issue is brought up and I feel a bit lost as to where we stand. Can you help me? I'd appreciate if this was kept strictly confidential.
Yin replies
It is inevitable that your boyfriend will have trust issues if he has been cheated on before and even if he trusts you a lot of the time there will always be nagging at the back of his mind that it has happened again. Could you get the guy to meet up with you are your boyfriend and ask him to tell the truth? If it has been a year then he should be over trying to chase you, so he might be able to set the record straight. Or one of your friends from the party, ask them to confirm that you were never alone with him or talked to him very much, that you got him to get off with one of your friends to get him off your back?
Surely you mentioned to your boyfriend that you left your bag at the house the day after, this would then confirm your story.
Yang replies
The point is, he needs to learn to trust you or your relationship is not going anywhere. He needs to put this aside, if you wanted to leave him for someone else you could have but you didn’t. If you are talking about the future then you can clearly imagine yourself together for a long time, so this should reassure him that you only want him.
Every guy gets jealous if their attractive girlfriend is out, because it is expected that she will get hit on by other men. The thought of this happening to their woman fills them with dread, because they are very protective creatures.
If you focus on the positives in the relationship, then hopefully with time this will become a faded memory.
tagged in Love Relationship friend boyfriend yin and yang cheat agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.