Beth Feels Dumped By Everyone

16 April 2012

Beth asks :

I was dumped by text after a year. Everything seemed great and I was completely blindsided. I was devastated as you would be.
I asked why and all I got was verbally abused. And all lies - I have no social skills, even though I got on with all his friends. And I can't communicate- even though he dumped me by text.
I became close friends with his friends as well. Yet all these people STILL took his side! WTF? I was seriously depressed and he was most likely screwing someone else already. Yet all the mutual friends cut me off.
Yet I was the one that needed support, not this cheater. I ran into the ex friends a year later and they completely ignored me. What was the point in doing the right thing, when not one of these people did?

Yin replies

The key thing here, in your recovery from this ordeal, is that you know that your ex’s accusations about you are all false. You do have social skills, you can communicate. Are you saying that you were depressed when he dumped you? And are all the mutual friends ones who you knew through him?
It’s often the way that friends will stick with the one they knew before a couple got together - and you mustn’t see that as evidence of them all believing what he’s said about you - it’s just plain and simple loyalty and people wanting to keep things straightforward.
If they’ve all cut contact, it’s not because they like you less, but because they feel more tied to him, regardless of his behaviour. Focus on the positives - you must have friends of your own who have stuck by you?
Sometimes, no matter what we do, we can’t change the way other people behave and so you can only move forward by focusing on yourself, not them.

Yang replies

You sound really angry and like you can’t lay this to rest. It happened over a year ago by the sounds of it.
You need to talk this through with someone who might be able to give you professional advice, perhaps an NHS counsellor if you are still feeling seriously depressed.
Obsessing about the unfair treatment you had is a waste of your energy and time - you know you were in the right, so just focus on that and accept that you can’t go back and change anyone’s behaviour. You need to let it go and choose to move forward.