Roger asks :
I am a 23-year-old man and I am dating a 54-year-old woman who I do love. I do wish to marry this woman but is the age difference between us going to be a problem?
Yin replies
Although you love this woman, does highlighting the age gap as a potential problem suggest that deep down, you might consider it a problem – not now but maybe in the future?
You wouldn’t be unusual in thinking that, fast-forward 20 years, you’ll still be in your prime but your wife will be an OAP. You’re not talking about a 10-year gap. 31 years is quite significant.
When you look at spending your life with her, you probably reassure yourself with reasons such as having similar values and interests counting for more than anything else. Or maybe that her personality and success are more important than her age and that the most important thing is that you have the same take on life? An older woman can offer advantages such as being appreciative, discreet, and having fewer tantrums, and at 54 she could already be safely through the menopause!
But beyond the age gap, is there a gap in compromises you would have to make? Are you happy to not have children with her? Issues about her getting weak or needing you to care for her are irrelevant really, because you could have a young wife who falls ill, and an old wife who is the life and soul of the party at 80. I know an 83 year old with a 60-year-old boyfriend, and they go camping every summer.
What could be a problem for you is purely down to what you want from life.
Yang replies
Not a problem for you, Roger, but according to German research and Danish case studies, you might be putting your older woman at risk.
Apparently, a study showed that the greater the age gap between a woman and her husband, the shorter her life expectancy! A woman who is between seven and nine years older than her husband has a 20% greater mortality rate than if she were with a man the same age. The cause is stress, apparently, so as long as you keep her calm and don’t worry or excite her too much, she should be okay – though isn’t that half the attraction of a toy boy?!
It’s all advantages for you though, I mean, 50 is the new 40 anyway and you’ll be able to help her spend her pension and life savings, and you know she won’t be spending all your hard-earned cash on anti-ageing creams, as she’s already there!
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