What did you say?

What did you say?

It's National Day of Listening, so we have a look at the top tips to get him engaged with what you are talking about.

Cut the blabber

If someone can't follow their own train of thought, then no-one else has got a hope in hell. Your man has no chance of doing the same if you don't get to the point.

Don't play games

Don't over exaggerate a story- if he has been with you long enough and knows you do this- then he will switch off when it starts. He won't take you seriously if you always fabricate the truth or don't do something you said you would.

Make your point

Don't build up a story- for the punch line will be far less exciting than he thought it was and he will zone out.

Use signals

You will exchange a lot of dialogue between you as a couple- some important some just mindless chatter. So if you want him to listen to something important, make eye contact, touch his face, take his arm- anything so he knows that you command his attention.

Tone of voice

If you are always raising your voice over trivial stuff that made you mad at work or stuff that's going on the TV- his respect for your firmer tone of voice will disappear- try to only use it when you do command authority, rather than as part of your normal interactions.

The topic of conversation

Avoid manicures, waxing, periods, hormones- all the stuff that they know nothing about and therefore don't really care for. Try to talk about things you know he will have some input in or you're already onto a losing battle. Think about what you do when he starts to talk about cars, football or history…..

Like the sound of your own voice

Listen to what you are doing- are you just talking for talking's sake or to fill a void? If so try to think more before you open your mouth because the truth be told- if you were talking to you- you might have lost interest a long time ago.

Empathy

It's a two way street. If you want empathy over you worries and concerns, then give it back to him. This mutual respect for each other's feelings goes a long way. If it's all about you all the time and you ignore when he is going through a rough patch- he will feel cheated and he might tune out because he feels resentment for your lack of interest in him.

Rewarding

It seems like something you would do to your pet, but humans also like positive reinforcement. Thank him for listening to you, touch his cheek, or kiss him, just something small to let him know you appreciate his sympathetic ear.

Listen back

It's all down to fairness, if you have talked at him for 20 minutes about you- then it's considerate to let him have his turn. Paraphrase what he has said, to show you have listened, offer some verbal cues to show that you have heard him and acknowledge the emotion when he presents it. He might be telling you a story, but needs to talk about the underlying emotions, this will help bring those out.


by for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
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