Your significant is officially young but they have already resigned themselves to the fact that they’re old long before they really are. If this sounds familiar, I can guarantee your lover has done at least one of the things below.
They notice wrinkles on their face- They stand in front of the mirror and pull at their face, poke at their ‘wrinkles’, when actually- their face is bunching up because they are fake smiling or pulling a funny expression. You have to console them by telling them they’re ‘laughter lines’- testament to how happy your relationship is. (White lies are a wonderful thing).
They say their eyesight isn't as good as it used to be- They wear glasses and are always pulling them down to compare what it’s like to watch the TV with, then without them. You’re just grateful they can’t see you in crystal clear focus first thing in the morning when you look and smell like some sort of goblin.
They complain that their hearing isn't as good as it used to be- Which works to your advantage when you say something bad under your breath when they’ve cheesed you off.
They tell you they feel like they 'look old'- And start asking people which one of you looks more youthful. It’s soul destroying for them when people say that you look younger and you show your disbelief on the outside but you’re secretly smug all the same.
They make a groaning noise when sitting down or standing up- And you wonder why they can’t be that vocally reassuring during sex.
The world ends when they find a grey hair- Then you have to sit in bed and pluck it out to make them feel better and get rid of the evidence.
They walk into a room and then forget why- You take great delight in helping them figure out the purpose of their quest as they get more and more angry at themselves. It’s fun.
They use the phrase "When I was younger..."- Like it was light years ago- then they start talking about all the things your kids won’t even know existed like cassettes, DVDs and cars you have to drive yourself.
They notice their hairline is receding- Even though you think it looks sexy and you show them pictures of the many famous men rock the look, but they still hate it with a passion.
They forget where they parked their car- Even though they have a silver car that’s a very common make- they blame it on their failing brain as opposed to simple maths.
They are too tired to have sex- And you can’t even convince them with ‘I’ll go on top then’.
They forget your name- Which you aren’t too bothered by, just as long as they don’t call you by the one who shall not be named- i.e. the ex.
They have started driving places they may have previously walked to- It’s pure laziness- nothing more, nothing less but if it means you can tuck into your take away sooner, you’re not going to make an issue out of it.
They lose their keys- Only because they leave them in a different place every time they come home and ignored your suggestion of a key rack. You love it when you're right.
They’ve developed a taste for a specific drink- They no longer pretend to like everything with an alcohol volume and have settled on one because they actually enjoy it. But they remind you that all the old codgers in your life have ‘a drink’ so they fall into the category of ‘old’ and ‘predictable’. But at least it makes present buying easier.
Inspired by research from Irwin Mitchell Private Wealth.