Jo Hemmings
It is your ten year anniversary this year too as a Dating Coach, so what steps did you take to have this as your title?
I qualified as a Behavioural Psychologist and decided to specialize in relationships. As one of the first people to try out the ‘brave new world’ of internet dating in 2002, for a feature in the Daily Mail, I decided to take some coaching training and become the UK’s first Dating Coach!
Over the ten years what has been your most memorable case while coaching on dating?
Interesting question… I suppose the best was a girl who was so delighted with the results, she promptly went out and met a guy, got engaged a year or so later and invited me to her wedding to say thank you. And the worst – a man who refused to understand why I wouldn’t give him advice on how to seduce his best friend’s wife!
People come to you with issues over internet dating, so what sorts of things can arise when doing this?
Sometimes it’s very simple advice to help them choose a dating site that suits them out of the bewildering array available and what pictures they should put up and how to write a good profile etc. But it’s often a deeper confidence issue, managing their expectations or not really knowing what they want from a partner – some clients don’t know where to start, while others have an-impossible-to-achieve and very long shopping list ;-)
What is the best body language tip you can give to someone who is dating?
Eye contact has to be the single most important body language gesture. If you’re interested in your date – or want to see if they like you – give them a 2.4 second look. Long enough to send the message, but not too long to make you look too intense!
To what extent does confidence affect singletons and couples in their relationships?
It’s a mixture of confidence and self-esteem really. Some people manage to project good confidence, while not really feeling it inside. Other feel OK about themselves, but are shyer in conversation. Getting the balance right is important.
What sort of problems do couples come to you with when they are dating?
So many different issues – but it’s very often people who feel that they can’t get beyond a first or second date or those have been out of the dating scene for a while and feel that their skills need refreshing.
What is your coaching process when someone comes to you with a problem?
Coaching is a forward-looking process, unlike therapy for instance. So we start by considering where they would like to be, ideally, and work on how to make it happen.
How difficult do you think it is to find love in the digital age?
More difficult that it can seem at first. It all looks rosy and new when you set out, but if it doesn’t happen quickly, dating fatigue can quickly set in. It’s a bit like buying a home – there seem to be loads on the market in your price range/location at first, but after a visiting a few you often realize why they’ve been on the market for so long. And you end up calling into the estate agent or looking online daily to see what’s new. That perseverance is also need in online dating.
What sort of dating issues can arise for people who are famous?
I work with a lot of celebrity clients. Very often their problems either arise from a lack of time together, a low-level resentment that one partner is more successful than the other and so they are being eclipsed by their fame or simply that they often don’t recognize whether someone is with them for who they are/what they can offer or for the individual themselves.
How many cases of dating couples do you get that are simply not destined to be together?
It’s always a difficult one – sometimes couples are just not meant to be together and the process of discovering this can be a distressing one. It’s always better to address any concerns when you feel something isn’t quite right, rather than when it’s all gone wrong…
Dating coaching enquiries should be addressed to joatdatingcoachesdotcodotuk.
Jo’s new Dating Class is being held on Sat Nov 2nd.
tagged in relationships dating Body Language