You met online, and loved their quirky profile. A month into dating you deleted yours. Fast forward six months and you find out they watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones without you. Trouble has started.
Relationships on Female First
As Match’s dating expert, I can tell you that moderate disagreements and niggles are all part of the wonder of building a relationship. It is worth remembering that great partnerships don’t arise from feeling ‘the spark’, but from your ability to work through the day to day realities of commitment.
Whilst once you may have wanted to escape single life, a few annoying habits from your partner later and you may find yourself longing for care-free days of yoga classes and prosecco brunches with the girls. In order for your relationship to flourish, I’ve shared my five quick tips on how to avoid your love life turning into a Game of Moans.
1. Remember people show their love in different ways
You may really want to have quality time, whilst they show they care with little acts of service towards you like taking out the bins. It is important to know just because someone isn’t talking your language when it comes to love, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. You could for instance long for the elaborate dates you had when you first met, but fail to realize that now they show they care by messaging you all day. The early stages of dating can feel a bit more glamorous and fun, but ultimately, it’s someone’s day to day availability for you that will make the difference to whether your relationship can go the distance.
2. Don't forget to say thank you
If your partner is bugging you with their sneaky get-one-episode-ahead boxset habits, it can be easy to forget what they are doing right. If you’re too glass half empty and forget to thank them for the basics of doing small gestures, like unloading the dishwasher, it can mean that your partner could feel undervalued and therefore unwilling to help more. Heaping praise on people when they do step up is a positive way to encourage them to help out more.
3. Don't be afraid to ask for help
Our partners are (luckily) not mind readers. Sometimes your subtle hints or requests for help, that may seem OBVIOUS to you, could be going unnoticed. Try saying, ‘I wanted to ask for your help with something,’ as a soft and clear way to highlight what your needs are. If you expect someone to second guess you and ‘just know’ the right thing to do, you may be let down. However, if you can be transparent about what you need, it will also help you to be aware of when someone is just oblivious to your needs rather than actively ignoring them.
4. It is powerful to show how you feel through your actions
Sometimes actions do speak louder than words. If your words are falling on deaf ears then sometimes you want to adjust your communication style. An example of this might be that you feel your relationship has become too routine, but you’re unhappy with constantly asking your partner to take you out. Instead of asking for a Friday date night, only to be met with a hang out on the sofa, it could be a signal to re-prioritise yourself. If suddenly you spend more time with your friends, your partner might get the hint to treat you more like a priority and less like an obligation.
5. Don't forget the art of letting it go
When you’re building a relationship with someone it’s important to not sweat the small stuff! There is no perfect relationship – but there can be a great equilibrium when two people accept one another’s flaws and don’t place too much expectation on each other to be perfect. So, before you grumble over your Netflix schedule, you might want to think, if that moan is really worth it, or if there’s something else you can choose to appreciate in your partner instead.
Words from Match's dating and relationships expert, Hayley Quinn.
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