When dating, it is not so much about someone’s character or how they look (however this does of course help if you fancy them), but more about how they make you feel. Sometimes in relationships if someone makes you feel a certain way, in a good way that is, then that may be all you need to know about how that relationship works for you and how it will pan out in the end. I truly believe how that person treats you at the start is how the relationship ends up near the end.
Relationships on Female First
If on the other hand you are flying off the handle, risking your own happiness and contentment to make them happy for what they want, then you have a disaster on your hands. This is when you will need to address your self worth and self esteem too. It is also time to ask, what am I getting from this relationship?
Having a one way relationship is like saying to yourself I am not worthy, however if you are the one controlling everything as well and always taking from your partner, then again something about YOU isn't entirely happy. Something that, in time will perhaps rear its ugly head at a later stage in months or even years to come.
Someone can be the most “out there” character, but inside they are the most heart warming, desirable and loving person you have ever met who just adores you. There are the recluse quiet types also, who are always doing their own thing, taking time to be alone, working alone, enjoying their own company, but will treat you incredibly well ,once you get to know them. These types on the surface can appear somewhat vague or non approachable, or just shy, when underneath they are searching for and craving an understanding of who they really are and will be very secure in relationships. These two types (introvert and extrovert would in fact get on well together).
Having two similar types together, two highly strung individuals as an example, are great together as long as they are able to balance their lives and not go off the rails when it comes to anything addictive. They may find themselves losing everything, including themselves with each other when it becomes toxic. They may love drinking together, only to find that they rub each other up the wrong way because of their so called fly off the handle, fiery natures. The answers I feel around relationships is more based on how someone makes you feel and the understanding of yourself with this person.
All you need to do is ask yourself “how do you feel around them?”
I think with relationships you can be somewhat curious with your analysis and not come up with any conclusion at all, but you may be attracting the same types again and find that really you are getting into the same pattern.
If you see someone who always attracts an exciting, adventurous and unpredictable type, they will soon realise this made them feel quite insecure and unsettled in life, so they will still be attracted to them but next time, they will consciously choose someone they feel that suits their emotional needs in life. Only if, they have released those old patterns and old behaviours themselves.
They will need to understand themselves better, be more confident themselves and start to value themselves more to change the types they attract. To meet someone who treats you better, you must start to look at yourselves differently and believe that you are now worth it.
When looking at someone who likes a quiet life, they will attract a similar partner to compliment them. When looking at someone who needs quite a lot of attention, by being around people all the time, ideally they should be looking for someone who is quiet and does not seek too much attention but adores them all the time to give them attention when required and encourages them, as they may be more ego based. So two ego’s could clash or two extrovert types can be quite demanding together and may lead to more complicated situations that both may find hard to deal with if both need a lot of attention.
Relationships should be about equals, but sometimes if something is missing in your personality or life, which you are out of balance with, then this other person will come in and create the right balance for you. In other words they should compliment this part of you which could be missing.
You will know it is right because you wont be feeling on edge, nervous or uneasy, it just works. It is just easy with no drama, your partner is no drama, they arent high maintenance.
I have seen many men who come to see me on a 1:1, who are quite serious and quiet. They are looking to settle with someone who is quite extrovert in their personalities. Someone to really bring this person out of their shell and make them happier inside. That is an extreme balance, but also a balance that makes them feel safe, strangely enough, as its a side of them, to which they arent sure about projecting out, unless someone else came in to help here and help them bring it out for them.
So my question here is, what part of your personality is missing and what would you like to find in someone else?
If you are a quiet recluse type, then you may still be put off by someone who is too out there as you will find this exhausting, so you may still feel that someone the same as yourself is better for you. As long as you can bring excitement, passion and interest to the relationship, then it can work really well together.
Sharing the same interests to equally enjoying your lifestyle is highly important here, you dont have to love the same things, but where I have seen relationships last the long haul, would be where both appreciate what the other does for a living, being supportive, being helpful, enjoying the same things and encouraging one another.
When you go into a relationship and one of the partner’s does not ask or take interest in anything you do, for me, this would be a warning as they may want you to like everything about just them and them only. Yes they can be controlling. Watch those types who don't allow you to enjoy your hobbies, your sports, your friends etc…..Is it always about them? Do they ever change….honest answer no, until they have a wake up call!
So when meeting someone for the first time, see if they are interested in you as a person, share with them your interests and your job and see how they react, are they interested or not? This is always the first sign of their characters or a match for you. If you do not like or understand your partner’s job or havent bothered to ask even, then it may be that other areas you may not like as well. Delve deeper into their lives. This may be what is highly important for them all the time.
If they dismiss your job or life completely and you find they aren't responding in any way or worse, making it sound like you are in the wrong job or its not good for you, then its time to escape for the hills. Trust me it only gets worse after that and its always about them…yes they are hard work!
One thing I have seen in relationships is mutual respect as well as helping the other succeed in their line of work. More so their hobbies, their goals and their accomplishments. However it needs to be from both sides of the coin too. If one is more ambitious, the less ambitious one works well in this relationships to boost and support, whilst the more ambitious one, can be the source of security and provider. This does work the other way around with the male being the nurturer and the female being the provider, which works a treat. There is no right or wrong just what works for you.
If you are both ambitious and want attention say, then you will find it wont be so accommodating, one person needs to become more the nurturer but enjoys this role without becoming competitive, resentful and angry at the same time. So these types may not be suited.
When I see ego’s getting in the way, then it becomes slightly difficult to sustain a relationship based on ego and ego only. Unless the other person is very laid back and lets them have the limelight which works for both parties, then we may have issues here.
So what is missing in your life and what type of character do you need for you to feel safe and happy?
If you are strong minded and opinionated, you will be more inclined to want to be with someone more laid back and quiet and does not disagree with you, they are supportive of you and your thoughts and opinions, letting you get on with things without any jealousy.
Whatever sits comfortably for you when you were a child, you will be use to as an adult as I have noticed, For example if you had a comfortable home life and were nurtured and looked after well you may notice as you get older you actually want the same again as you felt safe, happy, content and loved. If for example you didnt have anything like that, but you may have resented your upbringings or felt angry still you may still be quite demanding in terms of attention or starved of this in some ways, more so I see this when it relates to age gaps, parents away, or no nurturing at all.
Also if you have managed to live your life without drama yourself and been very stable you may have felt now that this part of you has become more accustomed to change and no longer crave attention as you now know yourself well. So its always to do with upbringing, what you expect, what you have been like and what is missing…if you can understand yourself very well you will find that relationships will be easier for you in terms of what you attract now.
So look back at your past and ask yourself, what did I love about my childhood, what did I not like and what type of character would suit me best going forward? Have I changed and outgrown what was no longer good for me in my family? (if it wasnt a happy one for you!)
All the best of luck to you xx
Joanna Scott - Ask The Psychic
Voted UK's top Psychic for East Midlands 2016/2017
www.askthepsychic.co.uk
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Author of "The Love Key"
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