It’s Fat Tuesday today- and if you’re in a relationship, you’ll probably know that couples like to partake in few ‘fat days’ together. Here are just a few things you might recognise if you like to say ‘sod off!’ to the salad sometimes with your lover.
You declare it- You both decide on the day and vow that as soon as you rise- you’re not going to have a care in the world about calories.
You stock up- When you know a ‘fat day’ is looming- you predict that you won’t want to leave the house for supplies, so you buy as much carb, sugar and fat laden food as you can to see you through your binge.
You line up some good stuff on the box- ‘Fat days’ and TV binge watching go together like peas and carrots so you make sure you have some decent viewing to accompany your buffet.
Everything has a place for easy access- One you settle into a movie or TV show you don’t want to have to get up to refill your drink or grab another snack. So, you bring everything you think you might want into the vicinity so it’s all at arm’s reach when a craving kicks in.
You avoid making plans- You know neither of you will be in any fit state to leave the house for anything so you leave a free window of time to eat, digest and let the sickly feeling pass.
You never feel like sex- ‘Fat days’ are not sex days because you both feel too full to move and the threat of a fart during foreplay doesn’t bare thinking about.
You are both like machines- You eat something and are instantly hungry again. You know that it’s the addictiveness of crap food but for one day you are willing to put that to the back of your mind because it all tastes so good!
You eat strange things- Leftover cake and party food from Christmas that you put in the freezer, random tins of things from the back of the cupboard and definitely something that’s gone out of date but still tastes ok.
You have an unwritten rule of secrecy- ‘What happens on fat days stays on fat days’. If you eat 40 biscuits in a row, get chocolate all over your face or drop take-out down your bra- your partner is not allowed to tell anyone. Just as you have to keep his disgusting eating habits a secret too.
You have a guilt trip at the end of your feast- You swear you will never do this dirty deed ever again. You talk about the impact it’s made to your health, your weight, your heart rate and as the sugar rush subsides, you feel nothing but shame.