You talk about when you first met- You're currently wearing your rose tinted glasses so recall everything with absolute perfection. What was actually a drunken kiss with vomit in your hair in a back alley, followed by an awkward exchange of 'do you actually want to be with me or are you just using me?' is somehow transformed into something movie worthy.

You suggest starting a business- You have both always wanted to break away from your horrible bosses and 9-5 jobs and make something of your own. When you're drunk even without funding, expertise or real direction- you can totally do it! 'You know we potted a few plants and mowed the grass last weekend? Let's open a landscape gardening business!'

You ponder what will it be like when you have kids- You chat about what your kids will look like by combining all of your worst qualities and believe in that moment at you will be the best parents ever because everyone else is doing it wrong. 'Our kids won't be allowed to act like that'

You promise each other great sex when you get back- When in reality- he will have brewers droop and you will be so drunk you won't be able to remember if you took your pill, where the condoms are or what anything south of your waist actually does. 'You put that where?'

You bring up past arguments because you now have the courage to do so- 'That time you called me fat? I remember and I wanted to scream in your face but my mum was over and I didn't want to make a scene- but now I do!'

You ask them about past relationships- So how many people have you actually slept with? Do I resemble your ex in any way? Do you miss anything about your previous girlfriend?

You reveal a weird sexual fantasy- 'I have always wanted to dip your penis in a cream egg and lick it off so I can tell people- this is how I eat mine!'

You talk incessantly about how much you love each other- You think nothing of going in for a long snog in front of lots of people or having a cheeky grope for all too see before telling them that they are 'the air you breathe' or some such hyperbolic crap.

You suggest book ideas- One of you has had an aspiration to become a novelist so the other says- 'I know- I will come up with the ideas and you just have to write them down!' Yeah right. Then you entertain their proposition and each idea gets even more laughable.

You suddenly become a therapist- Whatever their problem is- you have the answer- because your brain comes up with impossible ideas that you think are perfectly legitimate. 'Just walk up to your boss and tell him you're quitting and then figure out what you want to do with your life- the lack of money will motivate you to get the job of your dreams!'

'Let's buy an island!'

'Let's buy an island!'

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