Everyone wants a happy ending, but when a relationship doesn’t work out, it can cost Brits more than a broken heart according to new research from Gumtree and YouGov.
Relationships on Female First
Dr Becky Spelman, a Registered Psychologist, said: “Transitions into, during and out of a relationship can provide different opportunities and challenges. On happier occasions, such as planning a wedding, the new possessions we acquire are symbols of hope and our expectations for the future. It is also an opportunity to shed things we no longer need, both as a way of making space and committing to the change in our circumstances. Transitions can be exciting, but they can also be highly stressful, so it is unsurprising that wellbeing can be compromised by changes taking place. That’s why it’s vital people don’t put themselves under unnecessary pressure financially during already stressful moments. Whilst finances can seem far removed from romance, this research shows how the two are interlinked and highlights how making smart decisions about them is key during various different life stages.”
To make the process as painless as possible, she has put together the following tips:
Have an ‘exit strategy’ in place outlining how valuables will be divided if and when a relationship ends. For example, if you are moving in with your partner, approach them with the idea and position it as a way to manage the situation in an open and honest way if things ever change. Breakups are often very stressful; however, we can mitigate against avoidable strain with a little forward planning and willingness to let go of possessions as we transition from one life stage to another.
Often, both parties in a relationship are left with belongings and assets that were once jointly owned that neither party needs or wants anymore. In these situations, giving away, selling or finding a new home for these possessions can be a therapeutic step to starting the next stage of your life – whilst also potentially easing difficult financial circumstances.
Breakups can be a blow to anyone’s self-esteem, especially when you’re not the one instigating one. A collapse of a relationship can leave you wondering whether your ex-partner no longer felt you were attractive or interesting, among other things. In these situations, ask yourself if there’s another way of looking at it? When a relationship is right, both parties bring out the best in one another. So ask yourself, are you better off without them? In most cases, relationships end because one or both parties change, or have realised that they are no longer finding the emotional fulfilment they need – not because there’s anything intrinsically wrong with either side.
It’s cliché, but there can be a therapeutic benefit to having a makeover, or going on a holiday, when a relationship ends – not because there’s anything wrong with the way you look, or where you live now, but because it can be a tangible way to create a symbolic ‘fresh start’. Treat yourself to a new hair style or outfit – or book a flight to an exciting destination! Don’t let the new circumstances hold you back from enjoying your life.
We need our friends in good times and bad. Really close friendships tend to outlive many, if not most, romantic relationships. Unfortunately, it’s way too easy to neglect our friends when we are in a new relationship and high on the excitement and romance of it all. A good way to mitigate against future psychological distress, and to ensure mutual support, is to remember to give time to nurturing your friendships at every life stage. That way, your friends will be there for you when you need them – and you will be there for them!
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