Naturally, you’re going to spend a lot of time with your partner, especially if you live together or are married but sometimes this can do the relationship more harm than good.
Is Doing Everything Together Healthy?
Dr Stocchi of harleystreetpsychology.com says that this is something he sees on a regular occurrence.
“This is a process that really concerns me within a relationship and I have noticed that the result of being this way for the couples I work with is a friendship rather than an intimate and sexually healthy relationship with ‘some friendliness’,” says Dr Stocchi.
Of course, there’s no reason that you can’t be friendly with your partner; most relationships start out a platonic friendship but Dr Stocchi doesn’t advise returning to that state.
He explains, “I am very specific about my wording here as there is nothing wrong to be friendly towards your partner—one would hope that is a given, but as soon as we become friends with our partners more often than not the relationship changes into exactly that – a platonic friendship with no intimacy and the potential of a world of difficulties.”
Dr Stocchi advises that in order to solve this, you need to spend some time working separately on yourselves.
He says, “The simplest manner of explaining this is by acknowledging the necessity of having two positions of relating.
“The one is a position where we focus on ourselves and do the things that provide us with meaning where we can develop personally and expand our horizons on a daily basis, away from the relationship. This can be a girls night out, or maintaining a hobby that provides only you with the meaning.”
The second position, Dr Stocchi explains, is when the couple comes back together to share things with each other.
He says, “By creating this clear boundary one never faces what I call the ‘honey I’m home syndrome’, where we all fall into the trap of asking how the others day was, and the common answer we receive is ‘fine thanks’.”
Having something new to talk about with your partner keeps the relationship going and allows for the relationship to move forward.
Dr Stocchi believes that both personal development and relationship development are crucial in making any relationship work, meaning that spending too much time together can be damaging.
He says, “Both personal development and relationship development are vital building blocks in maintaining newness and freshness within a relationship and never reaching the point of just saying our relationship has turned into ‘just a friendship’.”
tagged in relationships relationship advice Couples