After a break up, the ‘who gets over who first’ battle begins. The Facebook statuses about how good your life is start to be posted, the new wardrobe and hair cut work together to change your image and your best friends sign up for at least 4 weekends of solid socialising on your behalf.
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But this bravado we all seem to put on isn’t really helping us move on. Statistics show that 71% of people say that they think about their ex too much and over 70% of people have looked at ex up on the internet.
It would appear we are more focused on looking like we are over someone than actually getting over someone.
Instead of dreaming about bumping into that ex, looking all fabulous and with a young, Brad Pitt lookalike as a new boyfriend, dream about that promotion or holiday you have been wanting for the past few months instead.
This is a quick guide on how to really move on from your ex.
1. First things first, go and make yourself a hot drink. Put on an emotional romantic comedy and cry. Yes it does sound cliché but crying helps release all that negativity and does help to make you feel better.2. Delete your ex’s phone number, delete them from Facebook and avoid all contact for a few months. It sounds harsh but ‘staying friends’ or in contact when you love someone, can just prevent you from getting closure of the relationship and lead you to believe you may be able to rekindle your lost love.
3. Find something to do. Whether it is joining a gym, focusing on a new career or writing a book, keeping your mind occupied will stop you thinking about your ex.
4. Your mind cannot think of both negative and positive things at once, so when you start getting down in the dumps, turn on some music, sing your heart out and dance around your living room.
It sounds daft but it will lighten your mood and remove all those negative thoughts. Besides we have all sung into a hairbrush in front of the mirror once or twice.
5. Don’t get deflated when you don’t get over someone overnight. As much as feels like a never ending pain, time is a wonderful healer and you will think about your ex less and less as time goes on.
6. Put that cookie down. Comfort eating won’t help at all. It will make you gain weight, which will lower your mood rather than raise it. Try to eat healthy food as this will help give you your natural glow back.
7. Avoid drinking to excess. Alcohol is a depressant and although it may block your ex from your mind at first, the next morning may leave you feeling embarrassed and in a darker mood than when you started.
Whenever you feel the need to block out your thoughts, just keep repeating 'what goes up, must come down'. Saying this will remind you that drinking is only a short term fix and not an overall solution.
8. Surround yourself with people or make some new friends. Easier said than done when you feel like locking yourself away for a few weeks, but humans are social, so try to get out there socialising. Join a club, take a new class and make sure you do not ignore your old friends. They won’t feel burdened; they will just want to help.9. Take a vacation, even just a weekend away. Taking some time away in new surroundings will help clear your mind from your ex. Being in a completely new environment will mean you won’t keep seeing and hearing things that will remind you of that person, you are so desperately trying to forget.
10. Under no circumstances, think you are not good enough. Every experience helps us learn and grow. Don’t rush into a new relationship, but instead think about how you have changed since your last relationship and what you can take forward into the next chapter of your life.
Sometimes a broken heart needs a doctor. If you start to think your depression is continuing for a long period of time and you do not seem to be able to work through it alone, see a doctor or counsellor. There is nothing wrong with needing help and services are there for this purpose.
Keep in mind that ‘they who win the battle may not win the war’. Just because your ex may seem happier than you at the moment, does not mean they are and your main focus should be what makes you happy and not who won in the battle of getting over someone.
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