Hi, I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for over a year now.
When we have sex, the sex is absolutely brilliantly amazing.
Best sex partner I’ve ever had so far, by miles!
The only issue is, it’s always on his terms.
We both work on the same shifts Monday-Friday so we see each other on a regular basis.
Obviously it’s at work so we keep it professional when people are watching.
However, we do sneak the occasional grope or kiss when alone.
My issue is that although the sex is totally amazing, it’s always on his terms.
He does extracurricular activities outside of work which means he is always super busy most of the time; as I am because I work 2 jobs (one based at home).
Before, we’d talk via text all the time; now I’m always the conversation initiator; and now if I don’t text him, he won’t contact me until we see each other at work.
I’ve hinted I want more but I don’t think he gets it and I’m now I’m left feeling like everything is one sided.
He always gives me a day during the week for us to have sex, and if he doesn’t, then we don’t; even if I tell him I’m horny and I want to have sex now.
If I don’t initiate conversation outside of work then we often don’t talk.
Now it’s frustrating me! Please advise. Thank you.
Jo Howarth says: Well, you're absolutely correct that the whole thing is on his terms. Control anyone?
He is controlling what happens between the two of you and unless you set some clear boundaries for yourself and communicate those to him then my honest opinion is that he will only become more and more controlling.
Who is in control of your life? Are you? Do you want to be? Then it's up to you to do it. Stop allowing him to call all the shots. If you think about how your ideal relationship would be, what does that look like? How would you like to be treated? How would you like to feel? How would you like to be considered?
Sex is obviously an important part of any romantic relationship but there are other factors which are just as important. You need to decide how you want the relationship to look and feel.
Then you need to make that commitment to yourself, that anything which falls short of that image simply isn't for you. Then you need to communicate that to him.
If he decides not to continue, then honestly he will be doing you a favour, freeing you up to go and find the person who will give you everything you want, not just great sex.
Jo Howarth is a Qualified Mindfulness Practitioner and Founder of The Happiness Club www.thehappinessclub.co.uk
The Happiness Club is an online resource that supports your mental wellbeing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. As a member you will receive daily strategies to build into your life and routine, strategies that will help you relieve stress, anxiety, depression and overwhelm amongst other things.
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