Margaret asks :

Hi Lucy,

I having been seeing my boyfriend for 8 months now. There has been some issues along the way but things seemed to have got better and he wanted to spend a lot of time here. Things were looking good. Then I became poorly with a chest infection. He made sure I got to the doctor ok. When he got home the next day he announced he wanted some space and time out via a text. He didn’t know when he was going to come again! That’s really upset me. He was the one who chose to come so often and now I feel abandoned especially as I don’t feel well. He says our relationship is ok and told me to chill and has barely spoke to me. I don’t know what to do? I think he wants out and this is the only way he can do it. He’s 59 years old and not an immature youngster. What can I do as it makes feel so insecure?!

Hi Margaret,

 I feel insecure

I feel insecure

Your partner should be with you in sickness and in health, whether you have exchanged vows or not. It is one of the unwritten rules of relationships; he shouldn't shy away when the going gets tough. That said; he might have wanted to leave you to rest while you recover and communicated this badly to you.

If a relationship is not going well, a text to tell you that he needs space is not the best way to communicate any issues you might have. Perhaps ask him to talk to you face to face when you see him. If either of you believes an area of your relationship needs attention, then a gentle reminder to talk to one another might prompt a change. 

Maybe talk to him about how this episode has made you feel and ask him how he would react if you had done the same to him. Feeling insecure is not a nice place to be in a partnership, so you could mention that this has made you feel uneasy about where things are going. You could also tell him that you want him to be around when you are under the weather, if that's what you prefer. It's possible he did this in a previous relationship and assumed you would want the same. 

If you genuinely feel that he wants an out then it might be easier in the long run if you just ask him. If he is the one who is the poor communicator then you might need to be direct with him to find out where you stand.

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