Sage asks :

I love my boyfriend to pieces. but we don't have sex anymore and I don't know why. I've tried talking to him, but he changes the subject. I feel like I'm missing out and need some pleasure. I just want some advice on how to work through this. Thanks

Yin says:

He changes the subject when I bring it up

He changes the subject when I bring it up

Hi Sage,

If your sex drive is the same as it always was, it sounds like the answer might lie with your partner.

How are you currently broaching the subject? Consider how you introduce the topic into conversation. If he is sensitive about it, which it sounds like is- perhaps change your approach.

Starting with a negative- and focusing on what you DON’T have right away might be making him shut down. If you talk about what you DO have together and praise him for the other things he does to make your relationship strong- this could give him the little boost he needs.

Tell him you love him, to reassure him that you aren’t going anywhere even if your sex life isn’t what it was. Try to let him know you are willing to help him in any way you can. This could be anything from talking to him when he is ready, to changing something within your sex life (but only if you are also comfortable with it) to going to counselling together.

Think about what has changed in his life lately- is he stressed at work? Is he getting enough rest? Is he having family issues or troubles with his friends? It might take a bit of detective work but consider what has altered in his world to distract him.

It could be due to a medical issue that he is embarrassed about- so reassure him that he can have complete confidence in you with whatever he needs to tell you. Once he is able to share the reason, then you should be able to work together and find some satisfaction in your physical life again.

Yang says:


It’s time to take matters into your own hands. You sound like you’re already making steps to do that, but you need to go further. This is impacting your relationship on a major scale and whilst your boyfriend may want to change the topic of conversation, sometimes we have to be out of our comfort zones if we want to get to the root of a problem. Nothing good ever comes from anything easy!

Your first mission is to discover why you’re no longer getting down to business in the bedroom. Your second is to work with your partner to ensure that the problem is eradicated so you can go back to making sweet whoopy! In order to make it through the first however, you’re going to have to be open and honest about how much you feel you’re missing out on. This isn’t about emasculating your boyfriend, but at the same time he needs to know that he’s not giving the same amount of time and effort to the relationship as you’d like.

With all of that being said, if this is something where you don’t see an end in sight, then it may be time to call time on the relationship. We all have our needs, and sex is an integral part of the majority of romances out there! Don’t feel guilty for wanting to get your kicks; it’s time for him to step up, or get kicked out.



tagged in

Need Help?

If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.