Anonymous asks :

Neither my ex boyfriend nor my present one are able to make me satisfied in bed. Is there something wrong with me?


The first thing to do is stop any form of questioning about right or wrong, good or bad, or any sense of blame of yourself or anyone else. I would ask if you know what would satisfy you sexually? And are you confident to communicate those needs? Have you communicated them? What was the response?

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

So there are a lot of questions I have. Let’s set some ground rules. Sex is very person specific and also very relationship specific. What works in one relationship might not work in another. What works today might not work tomorrow. But it is important to work on it as sex is a very important part of most people’s lives. The only rules are don’t do things that make you feel uncomfortable about yourself or put you at risk in some way.

As you can see what I am telling you is that the core of sex is communication. If you can communicate well and can be honest with each other, generally a couple will have a great sex life. The other key component is feeling safe. Do you trust each other? 

Have you talked to your current partner about your frustrations in the bedroom? If this seems difficult then maybe there are issues about communication in the relationship in a more general sense. Sex needs to be a topic that is talked about in relationships like all other topics. If it’s difficult for you to broach the subject of what you like sexually you can use books or porn to help. There is very tasteful porn for women (assuming you are a woman) available, Bellesa, Literotica (literature) are good paces to start. As a lot of the porn for women is ethical you will have to pay as this reduces the exploitation of women by the free porn industry.

About Noel McDermott: 

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist and International Speaker with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care and education. He is the founder and CEO of three organisations, Psychotherapy and Consultancy Ltd, Sober Help Ltd and Mental Health Works Ltd. which provide health and social care services to individuals, families and organisations dealing with mental health and addiction problems.

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