John asks :
Hi Lucy,
My fiancée had her hen do and due to people dropping out her sister who is also the maid of honour invited a male friend from work who is married with 2 kids and his brother.
During the course of the night my partner ended up getting very drunk. She ended up with the married guy taking off a garter strap with his teeth from her leg below the knee. (While posing for a photo which was later put on Facebook which I saw).
Also during the night her veil blew off and was saved by the brother who asked for a kiss for the return of the veil. While my partner agreed to one on the cheek the brother grabbed her head and turned it so the kiss was on the lips.
My girlfriend confessed this to me. It’s all seemingly all innocent enough. Why do I find it all so uncomfortable? Now I struggle to be intimate with her because I keep seeing the guys doing the above to her. Am I completely in the wrong to feel this way? I say she doesn’t have anything to answer for and trust her 110% but yet I feel this way.
Hi John,
Agony Aunts on Female First
The trouble with hen and stag parties is; things that wouldn't normally be socially acceptable suddenly become so.
Under no other circumstance would your girlfriend let another man take a garter off her leg with his teeth. Because it's all under the heading of a 'hen do', people become less offended by such behaviour and it's considered less taboo.
Chances are you are feeling this way because it's out of character and something you wouldn't tolerate at any other point in your relationship. Likely something she would never do normally either.
If your partner has told you what happened with the guy, then she probably just wants to be honest with you so things don't get manipulated by other people to cause trouble between you both. It seems that she feels bad about what happened when she just wanted to kiss the guy on the cheek. Better to find out now rather than later down the line and by someone else.
In terms of the first incident- if it's bothering you, then it might be time to tell her about it. How would she feel if a woman had tried to get so close to you on your stag do?
The likelihood is, nothing like this will ever happen again- however if this knowledge is what's stopping you from being intimate with her then you may need to talk it out. The picture is on Facebook, however it might help to hear her side of the story to put your mind at ease. Pictures can make your mind work overtime because it's just a snapshot. If she tells you her perspective on things- it might make you feel better.
Perhaps the real niggle here is that there were men on your partner's hen do? It's unusual for there to be male guests at a hen do, so maybe this just heightened your feelings?
tagged in fiance
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