Jade asks :

There is this guy at my work that has been pursuing me for a couple of months now. 

He is a genuinely nice guy and I am physically attracted to him, but the only problem is that he is a good couple inches shorter than me. 

I am 5'8 so not a short girl at all, he is most likely 5'6/7. 

We have been on 2 dates and at first, I knew instantly that I couldn't see myself with him in a relationship. I was honest with him and said I'm not looking for a relationship, and that I didn’t want to lead him on etc. 

He was happy to continue seeing me regardless. Then the other day he asked me around his house to watch a film and chill, as I wasn’t doing anything I accepted. 

I met his mum and dad and enjoyed a film together in his room. I could see him edging closer towards me whilst talking for a bit after the film, then we ended up kissing. 

I was enjoying it till I felt my heart start beating like crazy. I thought I was having heart palpitations, so I panicked and said to him that I needed to leave calmly not to worry him. 

As I was driving home my heart was still going like mad. This has never happened to me before, when dating I never get nervous and have had many intimate relationships. I am always calm and collected, never experiencing the feeling of my heart about to explode. 

The next day I spent the whole day thinking about having sex with him, which is very annoying when I have work to do. Every time I think back to when we kissed my heart starts to race again. Is there a reason as to why I had this feeling for the first time in my life? Thanks, Jade


Hi Jade,

Thanks for getting in touch. 

This has never happened to me before

This has never happened to me before

If the reason you can’t see yourself in a relationship with him is because of his height, then perhaps you need to give him a second chance. Sometimes the things you think are deal breakers are often cast aside when you find someone you really connect with.

Perhaps the extreme reaction was due to you actually liking him. Granted, he may not fit in with your idea of the ‘ideal guy’- but he might just get your heart racing because you have feelings for him. Consider how you felt about your previous partners- did you love them? Find them as physically attractive? If the answer is no- this could be you experiencing these feelings for the first time.

It’s possible you are excited about a physical relationship with someone with no strings attached. You have already said you don’t want anything serious so maybe you are filled with anticipation about the physical side of what is likely to come.

If he invited you over to his even after you said you didn’t want a relationship then it sounds like he is up for something casual too.

Just be sure that it is want you want. If you do want a relationship but told him you didn’t just because he didn’t fit the mould, then you could end up getting hurt.

If you haven’t dated for a while, then the nerves could just be down to you familiarising yourself with the process again rather than it being about him.

Chances are these feelings will subside the longer you spend with him.

If the thought of sleeping with him is distracting you at work this could simply be down to raw physical attraction or perhaps you want to take things further. Just be honest with yourself first and then with each other. 

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