G P asks :

Hi Lucy,

I think I rely on my boyfriend too much for my own happiness. I feel so happy when I'm around him and with him but the smallest thing like not replying can send me in to a horrible mood. I want to be more self-sufficient and I think I need to rely on myself more for happiness but I don't know how to do this? Can you give me any advice on not being so reliant on him?

 

Hi GP,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

As you have proved- letting your happiness be dictated by your boyfriend only works some of the time as a distraction.

It sounds like you might need to find something for yourself so that you are not fixated on how his actions affect you so much. I would suggest on the nights you're not together that you find a hobby or passion that's just yours.

Often it's about filling your time with things you love so you're not checking your phone all the time or letting you mind wander to your boyfriend. Maybe you should let your mind think about your personal needs for a change.

It's important that you know who you are without him and what your dreams are and fulfilling those. If you can be happy by yourself, then it will make you a better partner because those who are the happiest in their relationship make sure they look after themselves first.

If you don't ensure that you are ok first and foremost, you have less to offer your loved one because you are running on empty.

Perhaps you could write down a few things you have been looking to do for yourself for a while now and work through the list. They don't have to be big things- but should be personal goals not joint ones.

Remember that you are not defined entirely by your relationship - that is just one part of your life and you should have other parts that are just for you.

If your partner senses that your happiness depends on him, it's a lot of pressure, so it should make things easier if he feels you are relying on him less to make you feel complete.

Yes you can make each other happy, but there is a limit, happiness begins with the individual.


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