Sofe asks :

Dear Yin / Yang, 

I am very fond of my friends, but I am slowly starting to change and so are they. All that I want is some advice to help me understand what is going on and why I am beginning to not enjoy being around them. I am very confused and need your advice. 


Yin says:

I am slowly starting to change and so are they

I am slowly starting to change and so are they

Hi Sofe,

Some friendships are built to last a lifetime and others are not. Perhaps yours is the latter.

Consider why you became friends in the first place as this might no longer apply. Perhaps it was a friendship out of convenience, one out of shared common interests at the time or even a friendship built on history or habit.

It’s possible something has happened lately that has shown them in a new light- one that you don’t approve of or like. It’s also possible that you are all evolving into new people and you just don’t gel anymore.

People grow apart as their priorities start to change and their lives include other people. It’s perfectly normal. It doesn’t mean you have to fall out or make a big deal out of it- you may just find that you naturally drift apart.

If you are feeling this way- chances are they are feeling it too. You can either talk about it with them or let it naturally come to an end. If neither you nor them feel as strongly about the friendship as you once did then you may put in less effort- which will eventually lead to spending less time with one another and a natural parting of ways.

If there is someone new in your life whom you click with more then it might be wise to shift some of your time onto them as you will probably feel happier and more fulfilled in their company if you are on the same page.

If you are part of a large group of friends now- you will probably find that you only connect with a few people. You tend to find the older you get, the less friends you have- but the more meaningful the friendship.

I would suggest making time for those you truly care about and distance yourself from those you are friends with for the wrong reasons.

Yang says:

Hi Sofe,

Part of growing up is discovering who your true friends really are. It sounds like the friendship group you’re currently a part of is one that was built on something that’s no longer there. You’re all changing and, if their changes are something you don’t like, it’s probably time to move on.

Don’t worry, as you’re not alone. Everybody at some point in their lives goes through something like this. Find me a person who still has their cemented friendship group from high school in their life 20 years later, and I’ll eat my hat!

There may even be something underlying when it comes to social anxiety, but as we’re not medically qualified to discuss such matters; this is something you should consult your GP about if you believe it could be a genuine cause for concern.

More likely however is that these people you once called friends are now becoming distant and are no longer the people you built a friendship with when you first met them. As you say yourself, everybody’s changing.

There are plenty of places and opportunities to make new friends with interests close to your own. Get online and on a search engine and look for local events or meet-ups with other people who share hobbies and the like with you. They’re a perfect opportunity to make new connections if you’re struggling.

Instead of wallowing in worry about what your old friends may think about you if you start to become distant, do your best to put that energy into making good with new people who can bring some excitement to your life! You’ll live a better 2018 for it.

tagged in

Need Help?

If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.