I am very fond of my friends, but I am slowly starting to change and so are they. All that I want is some advice to help me understand what is going on and why I am beginning to not enjoy being around them. I am very confused and need your advice.
Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “It would be good to know a little more about your circumstances - particularly your age and why you feel you are growing apart from your friends. I suspect that you are fairly young, possibly in your late teens or early 20s. We do change a lot during this time and it is inevitable that some friendships end quite naturally throughout this process with no one being hurt on either side. We just grow apart from people we were once close to due changes in circumstance and attitude. Don’t beat yourself up too much about this: it is part of life. Friends are there to be enjoyed, provide companionship and support and make you feel better about life. You cannot choose your family but you can choose your friends, and all of us change our friendship group as we progress throughout life. Sorry if I sound harsh but there is every chance that your friends feel the same way as you and would welcome a spell apart from you, even if it is you who initiates the separation.
“This doesn’t have to involve a big break-up or telling a friend it is over, like they are an errant boyfriend. It can just involve a gradual distancing - arranging to meet less often or sensitively rejecting offers to meet up, perhaps indicating at the same time that you have made other plans. Most sensible people on the receiving end of such snubs get the message and move on.
“Who knows - what drew you to that person at the outset of your friendship could draw you to them again (after a suitable break). Many of us lose touch with friends for years, only to reawaken that friendship years later when our circumstances change. Just because you are saying goodbye now doesn’t mean that the friendship is at an end - it can just be mothballed for a few years while you collect your thoughts. That, after all, is what Facebook was created for - allowing you to stay in touch with an old friend who perhaps you don’t want to see (with a nice annual reminder of their birthday).”
Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
tagged in Friends
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