Anonymous asks:

Eight weeks ago my period was late and I mentioned it to my best friend. 

I then found out I was pregnant but I didn’t tell any friends including the one I had confided in about being late because I wasn’t ready to share the news. 

I found out my best friend was telling other people she thought I was pregnant because I had told her I was late. 

I am really annoyed because to me she is taking something personal of mine and using it as gossip in a way. 

Also she’s taking away something that should be my news to announce to friends. 

Am I overreacting and how would you deal with it? 

Thanks

 

Noel McDermott says: “One of the primary rules of life is that we cannot control others, imagining we can only leads to resentment. Maybe the person you are annoyed at is yourself for telling your freind this without making it clear you didn’t want it shared? I don’t know if your friend was gossiping as I don’t know them, it’s possible they were just excited and it spilled out. However, if she was and is a gossip then really you should be more thoughtful about what you tell her.

Image courtesy of Stock Snap

Image courtesy of Stock Snap

You may think I’m being harsh on you but I’m not, I am trying to ensure you don’t take your friend’s inventory for them (as the saying goes). Seeing others as the cause of our woes, as you are doing in this situation, leads to us adopting the victim position psychologically. Making ourselves a victim in our relationship to others is an unwise thing to do. In life it’s so important to ensure we act in ways that enhance our personal responsibility.

In this situation ask yourself what you needed to have done differently to ensure you didn’t end up feeling the way you do. So look for what you need to learn. Once you have done that, I suggest talking to your friend from that position, one in which you accept full responsibility for your own actions and feelings. That way you can share how you feel without it being blaming and she can learn from it too. Additionally you will have learned a lesson in how not to turn yourself into a victim which is a very useful lesson to learn. You might even risk being grateful to her for offering you such a learning opportunity. 

And finally, congratulations, I wish you joy for the pregnancy and birth of your child. This is the most important point of your story. The rest is a sideshow :) “

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist and International Speaker with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care and education. He is the founder and CEO of three organisations, Psychotherapy and Consultancy Ltd, Sober Help Ltd and Mental Health Works Ltd. which provide health and social care services to individuals, families and organisations dealing with mental health and addiction problems. www.noelmcdermott.net


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