Nicole asks :

Hi Lucy,

Me and My boyfriend have come on a 9 week travelling trip around South East Asia. We are arguing a ridiculous amount like never before!! I'm being snappy; he's being snappy and we're just awful combined.

 

Hi Nicole,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Many couples suffer the most after a long holiday or travelling trip because they are trying to establish a routine again while dealing with the grief of not being away anymore.

If you are looking for work, a place to live while feeling as sense of loss at the same time, you will both be experiencing a lot of stress and pressure at the same time. Couples often experience high levels of anxiety at different points in their relationship meaning one can support the other but in this case it sounds like it's happening at the same time for you both.

What I would suggest is every time you feel yourself about to snap- take a moment, step back and think. The likelihood is it's not going to add anything to your relationship- it's probably going to take or chip away at it. When the heat of the moment is over, why not ask your partner to sit down and talk about the feelings you have been experiencing and let him do the same. Chances are you are going through the same though processes, so let it bring you closer together rather than tear you apart.

There's nothing wrong with admitting you miss the life you recently had and the things you did together. That said, it likely wasn't sustainable and that's why you have come home.

Perhaps now you need to work on building a life for yourselves here as best you can. I would urge you to make time to put some pictures in an album, frame your best shots to put in your joint home or if you live apart in your own space. Make the most of the memories that you have rather than focusing on the negatives of being back.

You still have each other and there will be other trips if you save up for future pursuits. It seems that you need to accept right now has to be normal rather than extraordinary for a while. If you can reach that point, then your relationship might feel normal again.


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